Will

Born in England, he was raised in great secrecy because of his obviously overpowering potential. Despite this, he was offered the position of prime minister aged 13, but turned it down on the grounds that it was a “lost cause”. David Cameron was elected shortly after. He emigrated to Australia to live a quieter life away from the adoring fans, and settled down to his studies. In only 2 years he gained his PhD’s in both quantum physics and sex, his achievements earning him the #2 spot on the “most likely to be the second coming of Jesus” list, after Dylan Moran, and a seat in the United Nations. His success isn’t only in the academicals and political world, but in the physical as well. His amazing blue eyes, luscious brown hair and chiselled muscle structure have forced him to repeatedly turn down contracts as a model and actor, including the chance to be Steven Hawking’s stunt double. In his spare time, Will concentrates on his martial arts skills, which he uses to single-handedly keep North Korea at bay, forever the unsung hero of the modern world. All said and done, he will forever be the shining hope of this world.

Female: My life isn’t worth living anymore; there is no hope for me.

Will: Look me in the abs and say that.
Female: Oh Will, I love you!

Obama: He is truly a hero.

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