Comb Beard Man

One of many aliases used by respected student journalist A.R.

The disparity between the behavior of A.R. and the flamboyant, raucous, bawdy antics of Comb Beard Man has lead many experts to argue that dissociative identity disorder is at play here.

Like the alternate persona of ‘Steve’ in the case of Kenneth “Hillside Strangler” Bianchi, the Comb Beard Man persona may become dominant at certain times and commit acts that A.R. is quite unaware of.

Sources close to A.R. describe him as hardworking, shy, demure and humble. All-around, a professional newsman.

Comb Beard Man, on the other hand, is known to have a comb perpetually dangling from his beard, smoke Cuban cigars, partake in episodes of drunken debauchery (including but not limited to: drinking openly in a university classroom, drinking openly in university public areas, shooting beans and liquor simultaneously, etc.), associate with known communists, commit petty theft (mostly of mints or plates), wander about the community pantsless, and defile stuffed animals. There are also indications that Comb Beard Man may be a major figure in the operation of a local ‘Sex Farm’.

There is currently not enough data to determine whether each of A.R.’s other aliases (ex.: Captain Carlsburg) is a distinct personality. Further research is necessary.

"The first time that I seriously doubted the notion of a kind and loving God was when I saw Comb Beard Man with his pants around his ankles"

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DAF

Derived from the Canadian cult television show 'Trailer Park Boys', DAF is an acronym for “Drunk as Fuck”. This phrase is utilized by the character Ricky to describe his advanced state of inebriation in the show’s third season.

One is DAF after imbibing to such a degree of excess that communication in any human language system is rendered unreliable at best. All basic sense of social propriety dissolves into a chaos of impulses. The DAF individual is, in movement, reduced to little more than a quadruped and can only walk upright in the most severely erratic, uncoordinated fashion.

During the period when one is DAF, it is likely that one may sing (poorly), dance (frighteningly), cry (piteously), DEV (see definition), leer goatishly at others, or collapse by the side of a road.

"Boris couldn't keep it together last night; he was completely DAF!"

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scurf

unclean, lazy person

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