jeebus

A name used on progressive blogs to deride intolerant religious rightwingers ("fundies") who use the Christian faith as a flag and front for every one of their nastiest motivations, statements and actions, hiding hate behind professed faith. Basically "jeebus" is a code word for lefties permitting them to mock self-annointed religious frothing biters / ultraconservatives of the social or financial right who advocate selfishness and cruelty (via nutty religious errors) without actually deriding Jesus or Christianity itself which they don't have a problem with. Put alternatively, a person who follows the New Testament loves Jesus; a person who can't wait to take away sick benefits from a dying lesbian because God Hates Fags loves Jeebus. Get the diff?

"Don't you understand? Tax cuts for the rich are good and welfare for sick mothers is immoral! What kind of atheistic radical are you to think otherwise?"
"Jeebus told you to say that, didn't he?"

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PFOL

"Please Fuck Off Letter" - (pronounced "pee-fall") - A very politely worded rejection letter. It can be used in any context where one's application (for employment, to be published, etc.) is rejected. Such letters can also, through their precise politeness or use of wording, imply not only that you are rejected, but that you deserve to be rejected because you do not, in their opinion, measure up to their self-perceived standards.

Q: "Did the firm of Booth, Cream & Crippen accept your application to be a summer student?"
A: "Nah, I just got the PFOL today."

optimist

Descriptive Noun. First part of a four-part sequence which explains all types of individuals.
An OPTIMIST is a person who doesn't have all the facts.
A PESSIMIST is an optimist who does have all the facts.
A CYNIC is a pessimist who has seen the facts in action.
A PARANOID is a cynic who has FINALLY realized that the facts are after him.

Johnny the Optimist says, "Gosh, I'm sure that the Congress will make laws for the benefit of the public rather than those wealthy enough to buy a congressman or senator and slap a bar code on their back! After all, this is a Democracy." (Exits, stage right, humming "America The Beautiful, badly off key.)

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Smurphy's Law

A child-centred variant of Murphy's Law. Smurphy's Law posits that no plan or act can unfold properly in the presence of children. (Note: first defined by the Canadian artist Paul Walde.) Also called Smurfy's Law.

Example 1: A small, toilet-trained child will only wet themselves when it is imperative to get out the door Right Away.

Example 2: "We have planned this weekend away for one year, and now little Paolo is sick." "But Paolo never gets sick!" "He did this time. Whattareyagonnado? It's Smurphy's Law."

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pessimist

Descriptive Noun. Second part of a four-part sequence which explains all types of individuals.
An OPTIMIST is a person who doesn't have all the facts.
A PESSIMIST is an optimist who does have all the facts.
A CYNIC is a pessimist who has seen the facts in action.
A PARANOID is a cynic who has FINALLY realized that the facts are after him.

Janey the Pessimist says, "I'm pretty sure that the gunmakers won't have to worry about liability, because they have bought enough public figures to ensure that it is so."

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Log Cabin Republicans

A group of homosexual Americans:
1. who seek to advance the rights of gays in the USA by becoming members of and working for the victory of a political party devoted in large measure to ending all rights for homosexual Americans;
2. devoted to self-destructive irony.

"Hello! I'm Milt, and I'm here for the Republican Victory Party!"
"Great Milt! Welcome! I've got you registered right here! What GOP group was that again?"
"Log Cabin Republicans!"
"Fantastic, Milt! Why don't you go with those two officers there and they'll escort you off the premises! By the way, if you have natural, adopted or foster kids, please write down their names on this card so that Social Services can take them."
"WHAT?!?"
"Milt, it's not my damned fault if you're too stupid to read the policy papers and legislation. NEXT!"

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issues

Type One Issue: That component of a your character that is screwed up due to a previous relationship.
Type Two Issue: That component of a your character which will be screwed up due to your current relationship.
Type Three Issue: What your current boyfriend or girlfriend has when your Type One Issue gets in the way of their attempts to give you a Type Two Issue.

Example: Any furious domestic argument; see your own life for examples. You probably have issues about it.

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