Doing a John Roberts

You are doing a John Roberts when you try to give both sides something to call a win.

Guy A: "What to do now? My daughter wants to visit Disneyland but my wifey complains it's too expensive for us to go there".
Guy B: "Well, buy some Disney movie tickets and save money that way. Your daughter will be happy and your wifey won't complain anymore."
Guy A: "You want me doing a John Roberts, right?"
Guy B: "Yeah, that's a foolproof plan. Trust me!"
*Divorce triggering*

Shimmygan

A person who claims Irish heritage without having Irish ancestry.

Guy A: "Hey man, do you see Sean over there? He was once in an Irish pub and now acts like St. Patrick himself..."
Guy B: "Yeah, such a shimmygan!"