Student

What unemployed females who are still bottomfeeding off of their parents put as their “Job Title” on their dating profile because it sounds better than saying “unemployed”

Job Title: Student at Student

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First Date Regulations for Men

1. 90 minutes maximum
2. Show up on time, but no earlier than 15 minutes.

3. Dress how you usually dress. Don’t wear a suit unless you’re coming from a meeting.
4. Have cash in your wallet. Not because you need it. Just trust me.
5. If you can’t afford to have cash in your wallet, you can’t afford a girlfriend.
6. Ripped jeans don’t look good
7. Have a reason to leave after 90 minutes. Make some shit up if you need to.

8. Don’t say you like something just because she does. If you despise it, don’t pretend to play along.

9. Bring a condom. You never know.

10. Just in case, have a Backup Call

Idk what to do for this date.

“Man, just review the first date regulations for men, that’s what they’re there for.”

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Canadian Special

Well done french fries, quebec cheese curds, gravy, maple syrup, Canadian bacon, ground polar bear meat, hockey pucks, nickelback hatred, and curling rocks. served when it’s -43° Celsius with the windchill with a double double from Tim hortons and a side of bagged milk. Typically eaten during a hockey game. Eh?

Yes I’ll get a Canadian special to go please.

“Ok. It’s gonna be about 5 minutes soori.”
That’s ok, I’ll wait in my dog sled.

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Competitive salary

“We can’t tell you the pay scale for this job because we are well aware that this position pays low across the entire country, however, we will make it $0.05 above the average of all jobs across the board so we can refer to it as competitive. That’s right, this salary is so competitive that we’re not even gonna tell you what it is. Please apply for this position of our dying company so we can contribute to your sad depressed life and assist you in wanting to put a shotgun in your mouth.”

Job title: Cashier
We offer a competitive salary! Please, please, PLEASE become part of our “team” so that our CEO can continue to wipe their ass with $100 bills while we all continue to eat nothing but pasta.

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Yassss queen

What white girls say to their friend on social media to pretend that the one extremely minor thing they accomplished makes them the equivalent to royalty.

“I only smoked meth 9 times this week!”
Yassss queen! You are so amazing and courageous!!!

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Rest in Peace

Phrase that used to be used at funerals when someone passed away, is now used on social media to milk attention and pity from “followers” or “friends”, posted as if it is supposed to be said to the dead person who won’t see it.

“Rest in Peace Grandpa John”
Your grandpa John is dead and won’t see this post.

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~

You must be REALLY fucking bored if you’re looking up ~ on UrbanDictionary

~~~~~~~~~

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