Bastard carrier

Any "people carrier"-type vehicle, named after the social losers it is used to transport.

Particularly defines the Citroen Xsara Picasso, a vehicle so devoid of style and aesthetics that kittens have been known to die just from seeing one in the distance.

The fat bastard and his enormous scowling wife bundled their revolting sticky children into the bastard carrier & headed off to Maccy D's to shovel burgers into their obese, slack-jawed faces for the third time that day.

gubbins

Gubbins = stuff.

A common expression in Northern England, and the better parts of the rest of the world.

Neil: "Where's the 27mm impact socket?"
Zippy: "It's over there on the floor, next to that pile of welding gubbins."

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wet rope

Bad diarrhoea.

"I wish I hadn't had that curry last night. I've had wet rope falling out of my arse all day."

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eBay mong

Someone that cannot or will not understand the nature of an eBay transaction.

A sufficiently talented eBay mong will fail to read the listing, be incapable of following clear instructions, fail to make contact if they win the auction and generally dick the seller about in new and inventive ways.

The eBay mong's natural habitat is a dreamworld. They communicate by 'txt spk' only, and never have any money.

Listing: Please DO NOT send text messages as I will not reply to them.
eBay mong, via SMS: "Orite m8 wots ur lowist price on the xyz can pickup tonite"

Listing: DO NOT ask for a buy it now price, the auction will run until it finishes.
eBay mong: "Orite m8 wots ur lowist price on the xyz can pickup tonite"

Seller: Congratulations on winning the auction, please contact me on xxxxx to arrange payment/collection
eBay mong: ....................

Teapot

One of the Suzuki GSX-F range of motorbikes, so called because the early models looked like teapots.

GSX-Fs were branded as "Katanas" in North America, but nobody except an idiot would associate these bulbous tourers with the original Katana sports bikes from the 1980s.

Yank: "I got me a Katana!"
Everyone else: "No, seppo, you've got a Teapot."

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red top

Nickname of the 150 bhp C20XE Vauxhall/Opel 2.0 litre DOHC car engine, based on the fact that it had a red L-shaped spark plug cover (although some later examples had a black cover, these are still referred to as "red tops" if the cover is L-shaped).

The chav stuck a red top in his clapped-out Nova, and when the tiny brakes and crap suspension couldn't handle the power he ploughed into a coachload of Americans (killing them all, painfully) & landed upside down in a field with a smashed spine, watching the pool of petrol slowly approaching the lit cigarette hanging from the mouth of his decapitated estate slut girlfriend.

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Katana

1. A Japanese sword
2. A high-performance range of motorbikes made by Suzuki in the 1980s
3. An entirely different and unspeakably ugly range of motorbikes sold to gullible yanks since 1988 as Katanas, but known to the Free World as "Teapots" due to their bulbous appearance

1. Taguchi-san scratched his nose with the tip of his Katana and farted loudly, incurring the wrath of the Emperor.
2. In 1982, the fastest production bike in the world was the Suzuki GSX1100SZ Katana.
3. Seppo: "Hey man, I got me a 98 Katana 600... it's awesome."
Non-seppo: "No, what you have is a Teapot. It is less exciting than Bing Crosby and uglier than Mo Mowlam."

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