e-loader

an emotional freeloader; someone who feeds off of people's life stories but won't divulge anything about themselves; an inequitable one-sided reserved, seemingly judgmental, non-discloser, especially when in the presense of others who divulge freely

I'm not inviting Paul to dinner next time. I spilled out my guts and he didn't say a damn thing about himself. He's such an e-loader.

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earspasm

the sharp aural pain one gets when speaking on the phone to a loud talker, necessitating volume adjustment

"Myrtle! How ya doin?!!!"
"Jesus, Harry, do ya always have to tawk so loud on the phone? Ya givin me an earspasm."

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