beefaced

adj. Extreme facial oedema following a bee sting. A painful condition which is considered humorous if it is non-fatal..

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Dude! I wiz pollin’ the apiaristos and the buzz was like you’d bee totally beefaced this A.M. and it bee all true! That is a honey of a reaction right there. This selfie with you giant red mug be a keeper.

willslap

n. Ineffective light tap on the face following elaborate wind-up.

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Did you just willslap me? I couldn’t tell. You got ALS or something? Steve Hawking could out pummel you.

wholeache

n. Condition following a night of wild drinking and debauchery in which not just the head, but the entire body hurts. Not to be confused with a “holeache” which too can follow a similar night of revelry.

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Leave the room if you plan to breathe, blink or produce other deafening bodily noises. I have a wholeache and a pistol.

With an attached silencer?

relationchip

n. Intimate connection with a bowl of comfort food in lieu of close personal contact. Generally asexual.

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Relationchip status: Extra-spicy tacos.

in silico

adj. Existing in a computer or other chip-based electronic device. Parallel term to “in situ” and “in vivo”. Often used metaphorically.

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Do you ever feel you are living your whole life in silico?

Yes. But I am a RPU68 robotic pleasure unit, you bad girl.

governor's call

n. A last hope of salvation from a dreadful end. Originally a last-minute reprieve from an execution but now a generic term.

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The election Tuesday may ruin America no matter who wins.

Yeah. The only thing that can save us now is a governor's call.

And just who would the "governor" be in this case?

I do not know. God? George Washington? Putin? I am not a Poli-Sci major.

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parking

v. Hiking through a variety of tough but beautiful National Parks in succession without bathing. A brief slut wipe now and again is, of course, acceptable.

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Kayley and I and her fiancee were engaged in some very hot parking last week.

Do tell. Did you happen to take any photos?

Hundreds!