Linda

1. A Linda is a really cute, short, blonde chick who—because of her good looks— believes she is the best thing that ever happened to Life since sliced bread. The seemingly positive attention she gets from both men and women creates a Rare Beast out of a Linda wherein everyone she comes into contact with becomes a tool for her to use and abuse any which way she can.
2. A Linda lies just to lie. A Linda is so wretched, evil and sautéed in Wrong Sauce that—even though she maintains her physical beauty to at least age 55— she truly becomes the Ugliest woman you have ever seen. Over time, a Linda’s shenanigans and machinations get so played out and predictable that she becomes as transparent as Scotch Tape.

3. A Linda is delusional and incapable of recognizing the harm that her evil words and deeds have brought to others. There ain’t nothing pretty about the perpetual smirk that stays on a Linda’s face. Ultimately, her self important and self absorbed attitude and actions are embarrassing and cause even her once greatest Admirer to sever ties with her altogether.

Q: How do you know when a Linda is lying?
A: When her lips are moving.