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TaperSpider is a term to describe a friend. Essentially, it means they are like a Golden Retriever. They genuinely know how to make people happy and are a joy to be around. Sometimes they shit on the carpet though so thats annoying.
Dude why the hell did you shit on the carpet?
I told you man! I'm a TaperSpider, you should expect this!
Use the fucking bathroom!
birk is a semi friendly insult usualy meaning fool or idiot. it has a similar meaning to plonker or wally.
the word however stems from a more sinister background.
a birk originaly was a name for somone that robbs graves, from the last name of a faimed grave robber.
other potential origins are from cockney rhyming slang for cunt.
"tom you birk, you spilled my pint!"
"we caught these two birks in the graveyard!"
"let me feel your birk!"
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