Aleksa

Aleksa is the knock off Russian equivalent of what we commonly know to be Amazon Alexa. Substantially less refined than her American counterpart, this Virtual AI presents a virtual persona akin to a tired mother in her mid 30’s after a few glasses of red wine and a long day.

Aleksa can also control smart-arse devices such as condescension, passive aggression and blunt “conversational cul-de-sacs”.

User: “Aleksa! Where did I put my keys?”

Aleksa: “Look with your eyes not with your mouth, you lazy asshole. Mama’s on the grape.”

8👍 12👎

SWUF

Single Women's United Front

The cult into which you are initiated the moment you find yourself flying solo. A tight-knit coven of similarly carefree young women who understand the decreasing number of their members the nearer they get to 30. A Frightfully loyal and strong friendship group who will always be doing fun things on Sundays.

(As a former member, you will be politely invited to these events, but they won’t bat an eyelid should you decline the invitation. After all, you’re probably being forced to watch a recorded episode of Top Gear while they’re dancing on tables at Lovebrunch.)

I love my boyfriend but I keep getting WhatsApps from the SWUF who are in Ibiza getting mashed and licking vodka off 8-packs.

I want to go the the Wildlife Photography Late Night at the Natural History Museum with the SWUF and meet weird hipster arty dudes and maybe have sex with them too.

2👍 1👎

Quarantindi

A cocktail made and consumed during quarantine over Zoom , typically on the birthday of someone named Indi/India

Ingredients:

1) Liquid with the highest alcohol content you can find in the cupboard with the exception of anti bac and bleach

2) An acceptable mixer such as tuna brine or baked bean juice

Method:
Shake and stir

I can’t figure out if it was the Quarantindis that got me so twatted or the fact I started drinking at breakfast.

Ghost Toad

An idea that you have had, possibly of profound nature, that has been forgotten and is eternally irretrievable. Like a dead, ghostly, slippery toad that has slipped away from the recesses of your mind, never to be seen again. Hence, GHOST TOAD.

Renee Descartes: I think therefore I..... ah damn it! Not ANOTHER ghost toad!!!