shame prostitute

a shame prostitute is an individual, usually a friend, who one hires or in some other way compensates to act as that person's significant other.

similar to a beard. however, proving or one's sexual orientation is not the purpose of the shame prostitute. the shame prostitute's sole purpose is to deflect the feelings of shame that one feels at not actually having a significant other in their life by friends and family.

shame prostitutes are very useful during weddings and holidays.

Girl: Allie, I heard you were going with Ben to his brother's wedding this weekend.
Allie: Yeah. I'm his shame prostitute.

safe-stalking

stalking a person to make sure that person is okay.
stalking someone to guarantee that no murderers or other people of less-than-honorable intention are.

ex. what moms do on facebook.

person: "why are you hiding in the bushes?"
safe-stalker: "i'm just safe-stalking so that nothing bad happens to you."

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