Safety Text

the act of drunk-texting a designated friend so as not to text an ex while inebriated.

Friend: "Hey what was up with that weird text you sent me last night? It sounds like you were having a good time."

Texter: "Oh, sorry about that. I was pretty drunk and didn't want to text my ex so I sent you a safety text instead."

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crapuccino

Any coffee-based drink consumed post-meal for the purpose of triggering a bowel movement.

Fred: "That was a great lunch no?"
Tom: "Absolutely, but I'm totally stuffed."
Fred: "Me too, time for my after-lunch crapuccino."

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