Rural Dictionary

chuck norris

2 be or not 2 be? that is the question. the answer? chuck norris

whats the meaning of life? chuck norris

when the dinosaurs became extinct it wasnt because of a meteorite, it was because of chuck norris

one time adam and eve had a party in the garden of eden. they failed to invite chuck norris so he roundhouse kicked them out of the garden and shoved an apple down adams throat, which created the adams apple

the united states could save billions in defense funding if they trade the military for chuck norris

chuck norris invented fire when he was staring at a piece of log and laser beams shot from his eyes

chuck norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with laser beams from his eyes

chuck norris does not get frostbite. chuck norris bites frost
science fact: roundhouse kicks r comprised primarily of an element called chucktanium

Chuck Norris + Roundhouse Kick - Bruce Lee = Jackie Chan & Jet Li

once chuck norris played the best poker player in the world. he won using his laser vision to burn the other mans cards

chuck norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf

chuck norris puts the ass in assassinate. by this i mean he roundhouse kicks ur ass

when arnold says the line "i'll be back" in the first terminator movie it is implied that is he going 2 ask chuck norris for help in the sequels

the first law of thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets chuck norris

the movie kill bill is actually a childhood biography of chuck norris

when chuck norris does a pushup, he isnt lifting himself up, hes pushing the earth down

when chuck norris jumps into a pool, he dosent get wet, the pool gets chuck norrised

one time a man asked chuck norris for directions. to make his point, he grabbed another man, and ripped out his heart, painted n,s,e,w in their directions with the blood, jabbed a magnet down the mans throat, put him on the ground and spun him.

chuck norris once worked as a weatherman for the san diego evening news. every night he would make the same forecast: partly cloudy with a 75% chance of pain

chuck norris doesnt daydream. he's too busy giving other people nightmares

the word kill was invented by chuck norris. other words were die, beer, and please

chuck norris went to america before christopher columbus, but after roundhouse kicking all the natives, he got bored and retired to anarctica

if u ask chuck norris what time it is, he always says, two seconds til. after u ask, two seconds til what? he roundhouse kicks u in the face

the only creature to ever have defeated chuck norris is curious george, not because he was strong, but was too cute

by aznguy November 25, 2006

15👍 75👎

chuck norris

Chuck Norris is the strongest man alive.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chuck Norris owns neither microwave nor oven. When he is hungry, he simply shouts "BAKE" to his food, and out of fear, the food instantly catches on fire

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.

more....

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in case Chuck gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action.

Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.

Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.

The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".

If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.

In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.

As a poor college student, Chuck Norris went to the local sperm bank to make some quick cash. He retired later that day.

God created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, God created Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?"

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins.

Originally Chuck Norris was going to be hired to play the role of Jack Bauer on the show "24". The producers changed their minds when they realized the show would last only 17 minutes.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

Chuck Norris once asked a person how to get to the gym, after the person told him, Chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face for telling him what to do.

When Chuck Norris claps, he doesn't use his hands. Rather, he finds the two closest people and slams them together repeatedly.

by Mission Maker March 3, 2006

676👍 5654👎