Medical Assistant

UrbanDictionary: Medical Assistant = Also known as a "MA". Someone who has most all the skills and usually better bedside manner then a nurse, unfortunatly paid significantly less. The Medical Assistant is usually the person in the office you see most and spends the most time with the patient. Medical Assistants can usually be found being barked at my the nurses or doctors for a mistake they made, but want someone else to blame.

Medical Assistant is usually called a nurse by the public.

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medical school

A place where visions of all those doctor "reality shows" come to die. In other words, your time spent there will become hell itself, with the final product being a slave of the system itself. Even if do escape there "unscathed", the process of school will never end, especially if you have to specialize in surgery itself.

Person 1: "I want to become a doctor so I can safe lives."

Person 2: "Dude, forget medical school, it's suicide. Instead , go get a MBA, and become a hospital admin instead."

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selfie medicate

when your life is falling apart so you whip out the eighty dollars you wasted worth of makeup from sephora and your iphone X and take a bomb ass selfie to feel good about yourself.

‘hey (y/n) my ex broke my heart AND my self esteem’
‘just selfie medicate, be a compliment whore because your a FUCKING QUEEN ‘

Medical license

Something the medic doesn’t have

medic:I’m gonna need to perform surgery
scout:do you have a medical license

medic:well no

A medical license basically lets you do surgery and doctor stuff

dick medication

What some people call, "dick medication" -- that is, drugs like Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, etc. designed to give men with perpetually limp dicks the ability to get a boner.

{Stan}: Hey George, don't forget to take some dick medication to work with you. Chug one of those bitches down when you leave

so that you can cornhole me when you get home.
{George}: Alright, got 'em in my pocket. Love ya Stan!

Medical Emergency

Noun \i-ˈmər-jənt-sē\

1. An unexpected and usually dangerous health related situation that calls for immediate action.

2. A patient requiring urgent and immediate medical attention

3. An occurrence or condition which prevents one from being capable of performing the duties of their job and/or living because of impending threat to their visual acuity, extremity locomotion or core autonomic respiratory and circulatory functions (aside from a severe case of Crying Baby Syndrome CBS)
In short: LIFE, LIMB or EYESIGHT

If you do not meet one of the definitions above, your situation is NOT an emergency and can wait until the primary care provider's office opens. Additionally, if you had the time to read this entire sign, you are most likely not an emergent patient.

*Frantic knocking on door*

Medic: "It's 0236. What's the medical emergency?"

Random Whiner: "Doc, I've got a bad cough and I stubbed my toe..."

Medic: "You... Cough. . . Toe. . ."

*Grabs weapon, chambers round*

Random Whiner: "Erm..." *runs away quickly*

Medic: "Feelin better now, eh?"

Medical Wank

The act of masturbating to relieve lovers nuts AKA blue balls

I had to have a medical wank after some heavy petting on the second date with Sharon