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Intellectual Masturbation

i.e. this is when one derives sexual pleasure contemplating an object or subject, and/or overthinking something outwith their expertise resulting in grandiosity from confirmation bias

She spent her days in intellectual masturbation over the one that got away...

by BitchfinderGeneral March 6, 2024


Masturbate Theater

A TV show that losers watch to beat off to low-cut Victorian corsets and fade-out sex scenes on PBS Masterpiece, formerly known as Masterpiece Theater.

Derek: Are coming down to the bar Sunday night?

Alistair: Nah, I’m gonna lay back and unzip for Jane Austen on Masturbate Theater.

by IGKYA53 July 29, 2020


Cellular Masturbation

A person who plays on their cellphone while on the toilet

I think there is cellular masturbation going on in the stall over because he is laughing for no reason whatsoever.

by jondich February 2, 2021


deranged masturbation

psychopathic masturbation that leads to admission to a mental facility.

“i found her taking part in deranged masturbation”

by eyd1804 March 11, 2024


Anti-Masturbation Cross

An anti-masturbation cross is a device used by wankerphobic Christians. It combines the cross with straps to keep people from the age of 5+ from masturbating. It should be ended to help end wankerphobia.

John's parents are going to buy an anti-masturbation cross. I'm praying for him. I think Seb may have tipped them off.

by A_Manwithhiv April 22, 2021


Audible Masturbation

Talking just to please yourself.

Twitter is a great place to see audible masturbation at work, Or a trump speech.

by Z_PW January 14, 2021


masturbation Legend

Someone who can masturbate secretly in public.

I'm a masturbation Legend because I got off in my CCD teacher's office.

by IDONTMIND April 14, 2016