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A super type of Karen. The type of Karen figure who will not only harass and abuse retail staff for doing their job but will use any attention she gets to push her MLM scheme essential oils. Strictly homeschools her 4-8 kids despite having no higher qualifications of her own, thinks vaccines are the devil but uses a vape and eats junk food regularly. A Crunchy Karen is defined as a type of super Karen.
"Did you see Amy the other week?"
"Yeah, she was pushing her essential oils again."
"What a Crunchy Karen."
"What is a crunchy Karen?"
"A type of super Karen who is the Karen of all Karen's."
when vocals have kind of a heavier sound to them, sort of a rasp.
"gerard way has some crunchy vocals!"
The practice of freezing peanut butter inside a condom to create a phallic object for pleasuring oneself.
Callum thought his Crunchy Sparkle was taking too long to freeze before his parents got home.
When a woman's vagina is really gross and has crusted over with a mixture of cum and vagina sweat it is usually a dark brownish black color
Damn, I walked in in your grandma changing, that bitch got some crunchy lips.
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dry ass hair which you come accross during anal-sex which has small hard lumps of shit attached to it.
e.g: yo bicth you gotta get your ass crunchies washed
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Someone who is sleep deprived or stressed there for making them crabby and/or cranky and unpleasant for other people to be around
It would be easier to talk to you if your crunchy ass would get some sleep!
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Those who expect the Lord to show them mercy but refuse to extend mercy to anyone else. They would happily join a new Crusade if it didn't require them to move out of mommy's basement or give up World of Warcraft. They really are more Catholic than the Pope, especially since, in Crunchy World, there hasn't been a True Pope since 1958. The Crunchy contrasts with the soft Catholic. You know, the ones who think we owe a filial love to Christ's sweet Vicar on earth. There's no room for love in Crunchy World. He says love is for sissies. And modernists. Most of them hang out in the fever swamps of internet traddom, usually on RacistInfo or the forum with a fancy Latin name, the height of irony since Crunchies don't speak Latin. QED
Noted heroes of the Crunchy Cat include Adolf Hitler, Vladimir Putin, Tony Cekada and Dolph Lundgren. Generally known to drink to excess but only things like Mike's Hard Lemonade or Goldschlager. (Worst day of the Crunchy's life was when they stopped making Zima.) Also, the Crunchy loves lace. He prefers his priest to wear more lace than a Victoria's Secret catalog.
The Crunchy uses code words to display his cleverness, i.e. NewChurch, True Mass and Doubtful Validity. In this way, we all know what he means, but he doesn't have to say it. His fav color is pink, although he insists on calling it "rose."
Person 1: "That Joe sure is an uber trad!"
Brilliance Incarnate: "No he's not. He's a Crunchy!"
Person 1: "That term requires a greater understanding of the workings of your mind than I possess."
Crunchy Cat: "I'm outraged! That NO presider wore purple on Laetare Sunday!"
Normal Person: "Crunchtastic!"
Crunchy Cat: "Cardinal Burke is an arch-modernist."
Trad Cat: "That is a Crunchtacular statement."
Crunchy Cat: "Latin and lace will save the Church!"
Non-insane person: "ummmm.....wut?"
Crunchy Cat: "I'm leaving the Church if JPII is canonized!"
Trad Cat: "So what are you waiting for? Get out!"
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