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A logarithmic scale used to express the amount of anti-humor produced by a remark or quip uttered by an individual with the intention of producing genuine humor. Similar to the richter scale, the scale ranges from 0 to 9 with each increase of 1 representing a ten-fold increase in anti-humor. A 0 on the lippman scale signifies a state of humor equilibrium in which nothing has been said which can be deemed offensively unhumorous and harmful to the souls and psyches of those within earshot. A 5 typically results in temporary paralysis followed by seizures, suicidal tendencies and diarrhea. Although nothing above a 7 has ever been reported, experts speculate that a 9 on the Lippman scale results in the return of Christ to earth at which point he will utter the words "Fuck this" and the earth will implode into a giant supernova of anti-humor.
The other day I heard someone say: "When you were born the doctor came into mom's hospital room and was like, your son strangled himself with the umbilical cord, he's dead......JK APRIL FOOLS!!!" Due to my queasiness and depression I figure it must have ranked around a 3 on the Lippman Scale.
14👍 3👎
A scale by which a female is sized up. They are not judged on looks but rather they are assigned a 0 or a 1 depending on the judges willingness to have sexual relations with the female. 1 for go 0 for no
Greg: Eh... I'd say say Sarah is a 5 in my book.
Jeff: Yeah but shes a 1 on the binary scale
22👍 8👎
A four point scale that describes the degree of horniness, sexual drive and/or interest in all things sexual that a person possesses.
On one end of the range a PRUDE would be classified as an 'H1'.
On the other end, an 'H4' would be someone who constantly thinks, talks and acts in the sexual domain.
Katia: Wow, did you see his body? Tiiight for sure!
Lania: Yeah but I heard he's not into putting it to good use. He's H1 on the H Scale.
Katia: Damn, a real shame cuz I'm SOO horny. What I need NOW is some hot H4!
23👍 9👎
The poop scale is a system to determine the type of your poop. The poop is ranked with a number from 1 to 10. 5 is your average, everyday, healthy poop. 1 is poop with the same density as tea and 10 is poop that has to be taken out by a surgeon. There is also the very rare case were a poop gets the grade 11. If you reach that spot you will see a sharp white light in the end of a long tunnel.
- "How was it?"
- "I think it was about 4 on the poop scale!"
- "Nice, but personally I prefer a good 7.5'er."
- "Yeah, me too... But you can't have it all can you?"
23👍 9👎
A scientific scale allegedly used to measure the objective worth of birthday gifts.
(Scene: Two scientists, hereafter referred to as #1 and #2, are in a windowless lab testing out recent gifts on the Moll Scale)
#1: Okay, what's next?
#2: Secret of Mana, SNES game circa late '93.
#1: Let's start measuring.
Minutes pass.
#1: My God, man, I haven't seen a reading like this on the Moll Scale since someone ironically gifted Star Trek: Generations to Golden Globe-nominated actor Malcolm McDowell!
19👍 7👎
The scale by which the colour of pee is measured. From 0 to 10, 10 being pretty much orange. There is also a pulp scale measuring the amount of pulp in the pee. There are two ways of measuring pee, the toileted method, and the mid-stream method. The mid-stream method usually gives more accurate results, as different toilet designs can alter the perceived colour of the pee when using the toileted method.
Kevin: Shit man, that was like a 9 with a pulp factor of 7 on the pee scale!
Angela: You should visit the doctor.
“One tree can make a thousand matches, but one match can burn a thousand trees.”
“Mr scales, what the fuck?”