near birth experience

When birth control fails but no pregnacy results.

When the condom broke last month I had a near birth experience.

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Male Birth Control

Any type of game or activity, used predominantly by the male population, that does both of the following two things:
1) Occupies large amounts of time
2) Fails to become an activity that women find attractive

Male birth control was created to prevent the overpopulation of the human race.

Common examples of male birth control include: World of Warcraft, Minecraft, Call of Duty, Comic Books, and Starcraft

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Giving birth to a Marine

To take an huge crap, the kind that makes your legs shake.

Andy: "Hey Bill, you in the toilet?"
Bill: "Yea, Im giving birth to a Marine."
Andy: "I thought I heard you screaming!" "Need some stitches???"

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Birthing Madonna's children

Taking a huge dump/shit, after a huge meal. Usually happens after eating mexican food, or ridiculously large burgers. Causes environmental hazard by spread of stink fumes, that travel at fast speeds within a house. Effect can be reduced with the use of air fresheners.

Frank: Dude, the whole house stinks, and the toilet is clogged.
Guy: Yeah man! I ate too much last night, and so I was birthing Madonna's children all morning.

Birth Control Shirt

This is a shirt my first husband got second hand and I could tell why. As soon as he put that shirt on, it looked so bad that I was forced to shut my eyes because it was emotionally traumatizing to look at it. The combination of print, pattern and color produced such a cataclysm of visual assault that I needed six months of therapy to deal with it. It is the equivalent of seeing your loved one wearing a Jason from Halloween mask, which is almost as scary.

When my husband wore the birth control shirt, I knew that there would be no chance of him cheating on me. I was surprised it didn't render him sterile. It was one ugly-ass unflattering shirt. I threw it away and he divorced me anyway.

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give birth to a politician

To excrete solid bodily waste; to take a shit. The implication that the average politician is a(greedy, corrupt, duplicitous)piece of shit(which is true, in most cases).

"I'll be right back; I gotta go give birth to a politician."

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after-birth on toast

Domino's Pizza. Pure crap.

What did you have for dinner last night?

I had after-birth on toast. It was nasssty.

Oh you had Domino's Pizza

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