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Douche Canoe (noun): A self-absorbed, obnoxious individual who drifts through life on a raft of arrogance, bad takes, and an utter lack of self-awareness. Often mistaken for a human, but upon closer inspection, closely resembles a sentient, poorly groomed toe with an attitude problem because he likely sat on a pinecone.
Example: Kyle, the human embodiment of a stubbed toe, leaned back in his chair, manspreading like he was claiming land, and loudly explaining why everyone else was wrong about literally everything. Between flexing his "elite genetics" (despite looking like a swollen big toe) and hitting on anything that moved, he remained blissfully unaware that the entire room was desperately hoping for a strong gust of wind to carry his douche canoe far, far away.
When you're in school and the hot kid is being a jerk so you don't want to say the whole thing but you have to bring the point across
" lean back sara…"
" SHUT THE F UP YOU DOUCHE CANOE"
Someone who has exceeded the level 1 douche, level 2 douche bag, and graduated to level 3 of the douche pyramid
Did you see that guy Sonny slide into the random girl's DM asking her to ride his cock?
Yeah I did. Spicer is such a douche canoe
A twatwaffle's car.
Hey, I heard Ed got a new car. Yeah, you mean the USS Douche Canoe.
Douche Canoe, a oversized maxipad used to catch all the nastiness that filters out of a females vaginal cavity after douching.. much like a pantie liner..
Sarah if I wouldn't have used a douche Canoe I would have ruined my panties..
A sad or pathetic gentlemen who opens his mouth wide as his woman douches her vagina and he catches it in his mouth. A terrible person. A sad excuse for a man
That guy is being a total douche canoe because he got fired for always being late
Someone who is. More then a douche bag
Paul Raddell is a douche canoe