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Celebration done on the Maury show when Maury says: you are NOT the father. May include running through the audience giving high fives and laughing at the girl that was 5000% positive he was the father to their baby.
When Tyrone found out he wasn't the father of Lakita's 7 month old baby, he did the Maury Dance while Lakita's ran back stage crying hysterically and screaming in agony.
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Daytime "talk" show hosted by TV personality Maury Povich. Topics are limited, but incredibly entertaining, specifically paternity tests. Only show topics ever done nowadays are-
1) - Paternity Tests
The best! See you are not the father
2) - Cheaters Revealing Secrets
If your significant other wanted to bring you on the Maury Show to reveal a "deep secret", what the hell do you think it is? Geez!
3) - Cheaters Denying Cheating
Maury: Lashawn, we asked you if you had sex with 40 women since you have been with Nykesha. You said 'no', the lie detector test determined that was a lie, it was actually 125.
Nykesha: You done! Dat's it! You out! Get out my house!
Lashawn: Dat test iz wrong! I ain't nevah cheated!
4) - Fat Babies
Jenny: My son is 2 years old and weighs 115 lbs. I feed him Snickers, Ho-ho's, steak, chicken, whatever he wants! He's my child and I'ma raise him!
5) - I Used to Be Ugly...
Maury: Joe, do you remember Cecila?
Joe: Yeah, she was the ugliest girl in school
Maury: Well, she's changed alot since then, look at her now!
*Cecila, tummy tuck, boob job, 2000 lbs. of makeup and all comes out and dances seductively for the crowd
Cecila: I'm hot and sexy now though the miracles of 40 plastic surgeries!
6) - My 10 year old is out of control!
Mom: Maury, you have to help my daughter!
Daughter: I'm only 10 years old and I do what I want. I swear, drink, and steal. I even kicked my mom in the head once! Nobody tells me what to do!
Mom: *sobs*
Crowd: Boooooo!
Daughter: Whateva! Whateva! Y'all don' know me! Y'all don' know me!
Maury: Guess what? You're going to boot camp!
Crowd: Yayyyyy!
Big Black Guy (to daughter): Sit down! Shut up! Apologize to your mother now! Shut your mouth! *yell, yell yell*
Daughter (2 days later): I'm so sorry Mom *sob* *sob*, I love you!!
The Maury Show is a guilty pleasure.
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A daytime talk show in which individuals, couples and families air their personal problems to a national audience in a typically entertaining fashion. Various topics and issues explored include paternity testing, cheating spouses and lovers, and out of control children.
On a typical paternity episode:
'Maury, I ain't 100, I a 1000 percent sure he my baby daddy!'
'Do you think he looks like your son?'
'Sure, look at the lips, look at the nose, he's her daddy!'
'Let's bring out Sharnel!'
(Boooo)
"She a ho, she a ho, I ain't Laronda's baby daddy, she a ho!"
There is very little deviation in the dialogue from episode to episode.
Maury Show is one of the most entertaining programs ever created.
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Maury is head of the Theatre Department and of the Honor Council at St. Catherine's School. He is well known for his mad directing and technical skills, uninhibited conversation, house in France, and messy office. Maury is one of few faculty members at St. Catherine's who actually possess intelligence and common sense. He affectionately refers to his wife as "La Princesse" and is a devoted pirate. Can be found at McVey theatre when his schedule permits, or brooding on the grounds with his Hagrid-like coat and wide-brimmed hat. Favorite earrings include a scull and crossbones and a bicycle chain link. He enjoys crossword puzzles, gourmet coffees and teas, esoteric movies, and his futuristic, computer-like cell phone. One can spot him by his unusual laughter.
Favorite phrases: "You're fired!" and <Insert nickname of the month here>, which include:
bumblebee
hummingbird
angel of the morning
sunshine
BAAAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAS!
The Ozzie
The Wankers
Nicola
etc...
Often accompanied by Todd the Child Molester or Bob the Genderless One.
Techie 1: How do we do this? I'm so confused.
Techie 2: Ask Maury, he'll know.
Techie 1: Yeah, but we still won't.
Actor 1: Should I move there?
Maury: Well, what do you think?
Boarder 1: So my curfew's twelve, right?
Maury: No.
Boarder 1: What if I had parent permission? Just for tonight?
Maury: How about your parents call the police, and have them call me. Then you can stay out til twelve.
Day Student 1: Have you seen Maury?
Day Student 2: Yeah, he's so creepy!
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on the show...
big dawg: that baby dont look nothing like me.
myesha: he yours, u're the only guy i'ev slept with.
maury: big dawg, you are NOT the father
big dawg: dumb ass bitch! what did i tell you. you need to keep your legs closed, biatch. i'm outta here.
myesha: (sob) (sob)
maury: dont cry myesha. i know you've slept with so many men. i would help you find the father. who's next on your "men i've slept with" list?
myesha: #43. jamal, but i think he's in jail. (sob)
maury: dont worry myesha, i would get him on the show.
I watch the maury show anytime i wanna feel like a retard.
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A "classy" highschool where milk fights, drug surches, collapsing ceillings, tumble weave, pepper spray, and fist fights are highly welcome.
Person one: remember that one time at Maury highschool when that fight on the stairs ended with 3 weaves being pulled out?
Person two: oh yeah! Hahaha, that was almost as great as when those two kids where throwing trash cans at each other!
Person 3: That's almost as great when that teacher had a baby in the parking lot!
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besides Jerry Springer Maury hosts the best talk show. the funniest topic is the paternity tests because whenever the test comes negative there's always drama. other topics are fat babies, cheating husbands, man or woman?, etc.
Taniqua: Quatarius I know you the daddy. I only slept wit u and no one else.
Quatarius: *itch please, you's a skank ho. Always been partyin' & bein wit dem dudes.
Maury: Taniqua, are you sure Quatarius is the father?
Taniqua: Maury, I'm 150% positive he's Iesha's daddy. He gots the eyes, the chin, the earlobe...
Maury: When it comes to little Iesha, Quatarius, you are not the father!
Audience: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Quatarius: What now?! I told you! I told you! YEAH!
*~Taniqua runs backstage sobbing, Maury follows, Quatarius jumps for joy~*
Maury: It's okay. You're now one step closer to finding the father. Who's next on your list.
Taniqua: Well (sniff) Quatarius was #62. Kareem has to be the daddy!
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