Theis Tax

Theis Tax is the way of checking the validity of a win/loss against the Houston Rockets. If the Rockets were beaten, Theis Tax would be considered if the NBA Center known as Daniel Theis was active during the game. If Theis Tax is present, the loss would no longer be valid. Theis Tax would also be included if a team loses to the Houston Rockets. If Daniel Theis is present during a Rockets win, the losing team is eligible for mockery, as they lost to the rockets even with Theis Tax

“The Rockers lost? Did you consider Theis Tax?

Asshole Tax

Asshole tax is charging someone extra purely because they’re personality sucks, and may have been rude, annoying, wasted your time, or just generally need to be fined for forcing others to endure them.

This woman was such a pain in the ass to deal with so I charged her some asshole tax and told her the price was $75 instead of $40. Bam bitches.

candy tax

A parenting trend where you purport to teach your kids about responsibility by stealing some of their candy or “levying a tax" on their trick or treat loot. The tax can be as much as one third of the candy "earned" on Halloween. The tax, which is levied mostly in jest, is meant to teach a lesson about how government works.

Let me see your bag so I can collect the candy tax.

Tax-mas

That special time of year when parents make up for being too broke to exchange gifts after buying presents for their kids by buying big ticket items with their tax return.

So bill what did your wife get you for Christmas?
Nothing yet, but at Tax-mas I'm getting that new big screen TV.

Teeth tax

Extra money you have to spend to fix, replace, upgrade etc. because of a pet's destructive teeth
Teeth tax is commonly needed when owners have a dog that rips up its toys and you have to get the kind of toys that aren't easily destroyed, the extra money needed for these "high quality" toys, is Teeth tax

Another reason you'd need to pay teeth tax is when a pet chews up a personal belonging and it needs to be replaced

"Dang it! My ferret chewed up his hammock last night, and I'm not in the mood to pay teeth tax to get a new one!"

vegan tax

The charge you’re hit with when you request to remove all animal products from a dish and replace it with veggies, even though you’ve removed the most expensive items in the dish.

Nah, man, I would rather go to a different restaurant, because last time I ate there and asked for peppers instead of chicken and cheese, they hit me with that vegan tax.

Parent Tax

When you get back from trick or treating on Halloween and your parents inspect your stash and steal the good shit.

Me: I got full sized candy bars from the smith residence.
Friend: Oh shit, for real
Me: yea but when I got home I lost them due to the parent tax.

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