piss on my chips and tell me it's vinegar.

This is a 'mangled metaphor'. It mixes up 3 idioms:

Piss on my leg and tell me it's raining
Piss on one's chips
Piss and vinegar

To deliberately and painstakingly go out of one's way to ruin a friend's chances of success. Usually done jokingly with reference to the opposite sex.

No way do I want you as my wingman. You would piss on my chips and tell me it's vinegar.

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I don't know what to tell you

A phrase used to tell another person to politely say, "I have no interest in continuing this conversation or listening to you complain." In its hardly ever used long form, it would be used as, "I don't know what to tell you to get you to shut up." Extensively used when people present you with a problem, you offer advice to them on viable solutions, but they come up with excuses why they can't follow your advice.

Person A; "complain, complain, complain. My car broke and I can't get to work now. And boss says he'll fire me if I miss another day!"
Person B; "Take the bus."
Person A; "There's no bus route within a quarter mile, and my feet hurt so much."
Person B; "Take a cab."
Person A; "I can't afford a cab with these car repair bills!"
Person B; "I don't know what to tell you."

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I can tell by the shape of your head

A term used to suggest that someones whole life/personality can be determined merely by their appearance(The shape of their head). This is not alluding to the fact that archeologists actually can determine a lot about someone by the shape of their head; This can be done just by looking at them.

Look at yourself, I can tell by the shape of your head that you are a bitch; everyone can.

can you tell me where's the candy?

The old days, when this was your biggest problem.

"Man, I can't deal with any of this! Remember when our biggest problem was where the candy aisle was in a grocery store? CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE'S THE CANDY?"

Tell him to go eat shit Johnny

The act of telling a lost Nun to consume excrement and mistakingly decend from there mount.

Gyro: Tell him to go eat shit Johnny

Johnny: Tell him yourself

Gyro: Eat shit asshole! Fall off your horse!

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tell your folks I says hi

How Wisconsinites say to tell your parents hello

Hey, watch out for deer and tell your folks I says hi!

"There's something I need to tell you" drama

Typical (usually teen) melodrama where nearly every episode includes the phrase "There's something I need to tell you". The "something" usually involves a previous lie, backstab, pregnancy, or other misdeed.

"I can't believe I just watched 7 episodes of 90210 in a row!"
"That's pretty sad... what do you think is wrong with you?"
"I don't know... I think I'm addicted to "There's something I need to tell you" dramas."

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