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A boy you meet at college at a frat party, spend three hours sitting on your bed talking to, then try to make a man out of but you can't because he has whiskey dick. Then you keep trying to hook up but he always has whiskey dick, and finally it works and you keep hooking up all the time and then start to act like you are dating. Then this man asks you out in his bed because you are too scared to, and you start dating and end up living up happily ever after living in Chicago together, he coaching the Bears and you being the first ever starting female quarterback.
I knew the night I met Ted}, my life would be changed forever
22π 136π
Ted is a Teddybear.Ted is Gay. He will usually hug his friends for fun. Ted is a Goodboy. U GUYS GAYYY :)
1π 4π
Ted is a well known clown who resides in New York city. He can be found hanging out with teenagers despite the fact that he is nearing senior citizenship.
His haircut is commonly referred to as "The Ted". Witnesses have claimed that it resembles a botched lobotomy.
You too can sport "The Ted", just go to your local barber, ask him to shave the sides of your head, and hit you in the back of the head with a ice pick a few times.
Dick Pound - Holy fuck! Is that an escaped mental patient?
Magnus Ver Magnusson - No dick, its just a man with a haircut resembling that which is referred to as "The Ted"
74π 4π
Ted is a criminal dating back to before Christ. If you see Ted call the police or run. Teds criminal record is stated below
DOB:1972-02-07
Race:Lizard
Sex:Please
Eyes:Brown
Height:7 ft 11 in
Hair:None
Weight:14 tons.
Offense or Statute
Offense/Statute:Rape-1st:forcible CompulsionDate Convicted:12 April 1993, 1 March 2022, 1 January 19 BC, 28 February 1442
Offense/Statute:Sexual Abuse 1st Degree:contact By Forcible CompulsionDate
Convicted:1 January 19 BC, 28 February 1442
Offense/Statute:Sodomy:intercourse Forcible CompulsionDate
Convicted: 1 March 2022
Offense/Statute:Unlawful Imprisonment-1st DegreeDate
Convicted:1 January 19 BC, 28 February 1442
Offense/Statute:Rape-1st:forcible CompulsionDate
Convicted:12 April 1993
Offense/Statute:Sexual Abuse 1st Degree:contact By Forcible CompulsionDate
Convicted:12 April 1993
Offense/Statute:Sodomy:intercourse Forcible CompulsionDate
Convicted:12 April 1993
Offense/Statute:Unlawful Imprisonment-1st DegreeDate
Convicted:12 April 1993
Oh god did you hear about Mia.
No, what happened.
Sheβs keeping Ted Ted as a pet.
Oh god.
Final boss of TED Talks.When you listen every talk,you can finally listen him.
Friend 1:When Δ± can listen Ted himself talk.
Friend 2:You have to listen every show first.
18π 3π
Tedding: the male act of monetary pretension as a means to get in your pants, someday; carrot-danglers with perverse intentions.
Teds take you to "nice" dinners at the Capital Grille and promise you nice things like Prada handbags, Christian Louboutins and someday a trip to Paris. At first you are really excited at the thought of being wined, dined and spoiled because your 45,000 annual salary is barely enough to dine at Applebees and pay for your studio apartment.
However, when it comes time to deliver the goods, something always seems to come up...
Ted- "My great uncle died, I have to go out of town for the weekend. Sorry, we will go shopping when I get back..."
Ted-"Ugh, I spent 30 grand in Vegas this weekend." *hint, hint*
Warning Signs of a Ted:
-The rug in his bathroom is from Target.
-After a few well vodka tonics, he brags about his 1 million Marriot points and United Gold status, as a discrete but insincere gesture that he intends on taking you on a "vacation."
-He drives an Acura.
-You find a receipt for Men's Warehouse in his car cup holder.
-He is a software developer.
-He buys you a perfume sampler from Sephora.
Teds come in all shapes and sizes, but generally speaking they are 4's or 5's at best and a 10 on the scale of disappointment.
Ashley: "Chris and I went to South Beach this weekend -- I got a Prada Saffiano and a pair of Christian Pigalles."
You: Are you fricking Tedding me!?
Ashley - "No."