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The feng shui of fucking. Mirrors on the ceiling and the like.
Dude, put the video camera away. You're throwing off my fuck-shui.
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The art of positioning the windows on your computer screen in a pleasing manner
Man, your screen looks horribly cluttered! You could use some comp shui lessons.
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Funk Shui or The Way of Funk. A home design movement created by Crest Angel Del Cross, Found Art Artistof the Village as a counter balance to the more abrasive Punk Shuicreated by Josh Amatore Hughes author of Punk Shui Home Design for Anarchists, Random House.
The finer subtleties of Punk or Funk Shui design: All subordinates and members of both factions agree, on the firm belief that every object, on which one glances an artistic eye, must be freed from its former subservient role.
For instance a high school desk chair shot through with holes, using a police issued Glock, is a valid Punk or Funk Shui Anarchistic artistic endeavor.(Please not in the city limits and make sure that the gun is wiped of all finger prints and returned to it's rightful licensed owner.) Both parties agree it must never support another derriere again. (No matter how sweet it is.)
What are the similarities and differences between Punk and Funk Shui Anarchists, in preparation for a festive event?
1. A sofa, torn asunder by an over zelalous Anarchist Punk or Funk Shui hacker with a buzz saw, must never be urinated upon and left to stand in the hot sun. (Punk and Funk Shui advocates do not adhere to the practice of urinating on any household object.)
This practice lies clearly in the domain of the far flung renegade sect, called Skunk Shui, rumored to have formerly belonged to a biker chapter of the Merced CA. Hell's Angels division. They justify this abhorring savagery with the claim that the sofas make excellent wedding gifts.
2. Proper etiquette in Punk or Funk Shui Home Design: For example young Josh and his followers think that on acquiring old and discarded lavatory receptacles,(toilet bowels for the uninitiated) that it is perfectly fine to clean them out with simple dollar store detergents and then use them to present corn chips or cheese dip at your next event.
* On this matter the Funk Shui follower is viscerally disgusted, if only purely from a hygienic standpoint. However we believe that they do make excellent white wine or champagne chillers.
3. On the use of formerly subservient to the bourgeois, bathroom soap dishes. The follower of Punk Shui would use it as a soup bowl, where as, the less stringent, Funk Shui anarchist artist can only imagine its use as an ash tray or perhaps for hard wrapped candy but never for mere soap ever again. Funk Shui is all about home design anarchy, with proper hygiene!
An example of a food recipe for a Punk or Funk Shui festivity.
This bodes well for all members of either persuasion who are diametrically opposed to the use of refrigerators
The Eternal Pot of Stew
(For a large gathering)
1. 270onions
2. 170 carrots
3. 80 sticks of celery
4. 30 lbs of potato's
A whole lot of beef the more the merrier!
(leave out when serving Vegans or burn to a crisp and just tell them it's wood chip stew)
5.Fresh Parsley, basil and oregano (See Punk or Funk Shui for Anarchist dummy gardeners)
6.Salt and pepper to taste
Prepare and place in an extremely large crock-pot (or a lavatory receptacle if you must be sure that it is fully heat tempered ceramic or it may crack)
Bring to a slow simmer and replenish as needed forever and ever. This stew must never simmer below 160 degrees Fahrenheit.
(It cannot be over stressed that proper cleanliness in the kitchen is net to godliness.)
Warning: The FDA or any other health organizations for that matter, do not endorse this author's opinions on hygienic cleanliness. Vegans wishing to file a complaint can do so by sending it in a self addressed stamped envelope therefore it will remain in the utmost of confidentiality.
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Creating obstacle courses to make the furniture more accessible for a geriatric cat
Boogie is getting too old to jump on the couch, so I had to Cat Shui my house so the pussy could could move around!
The art of plating ones food in such a way that it brings harmony, balance, and maximum yum factor. Food shui can also be achieved by the arrangement and order of ingredients (ie: bun, patty, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, bun VS. bun, tomato, onion l, patty, lettuce, cheese, bun).
While Howzer was taking photos for food porn, food shui could not be achieved until after he placed the quarters of grilled zucchini slightly on and next to the neatly piled cheddar mashed potatoes, and then gently placing the NY steak atop the potatoes and beside the zucchini.
Unlike Feng Shui, which is an improvement to a room, Bung Shui is an ugly room, or a room that is made ugly by an ugly object.
What!? They took a beautiful midcentury modern piece of furniture and made it "shabby chic?" You mean "shabby shit." That's really going to improve the room's Bung Shui.
Feng shui for the homeless aka bums.
Did you bum shui your curbside?