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Apparently he’s coming to town
“Santa Claus is coming to town”
A mysterious fat entity, said to dress in red clothing, that sneaks into houses and steals food. The common scientific name for this strange, rotund creature is "Homo holidayus". It is also known to enslave caribou to carry it's fat self to more food. One field study conducted near this creature's home base revealed another major fact: He also enslaves dwarfed human beings. Also observed was a caribou with a strange, glowing red nose.
Person 1: Did you hear about the cookie thefts last night?
Person 2: Yeah, they were caused by the infamous Santa Claus.
A creepy stalker who watches children 24/7 and makes a “naughty list” the uses this list to choose which children’s houses to break into and steal milk and baked goods, which undoubtedly contributes to his obesity. We don’t know much about him, but this old (probably in his 1000s) creep has gained the trust of children worldwide. The only question is, “Is Santa Claus coming to your town?”
Me: Hey, I just heard something on the roof!
Macaulay Culkin: I’ll go get em.
Me: but what if it’s Santa Claus?
Macaulay Culkin: You’re right... I’ll bring extra bricks!
Me: good thinking! Now go put an end to that creep!
A man who gets off on watching children 24/7 and making a list of Those who are nice, and those who are “naughty” he uses this list to choose his targets and break into their houses. He is often depicted as obese due to the fact that he lives exclusively off of stolen baked goods and dairy products, but in reality he must be RIPPED from all of the walls he scales and he has to be fairly lean in order to squeeze down all those chimneys. Mose people believe he gets around so fast because of a majical slay and a team of flying reign deer with LED noses, but this is very unlikely because he would be so easy to spot. It is much more plausible that the child stalking creep with so many different names is actually riding around in a white van to blend in with the snow and to have room for all of his “gifts” that he’s used to gain children’s trust worldwide! The only question remaining is, “is Santa Claus coming to your town?”
Me: I think I just heard something on the roof!
Macaulay Culkin: I’ll go deal with it.
Me: Wait! It could be Santa Claus!
Macaulay Culkin: Your right... I’ll bring extra bricks.
Me: Good idea! Now go put an end to that creep!
A slutty girl that wears a red Santa hat along with a short red and white skirt and high black boots.
Look, there's another Santa Ho. You always see them around Christmas time.
When Santa is too fat for your chimney and he gets stuck so you pull out his tiny dick and start jerking him off all night.
Kim: Santa's stuck in my chimney!
Santa: help!
Kim: *pulls down santas pants*
Santa: wha- what are you doing?
Kim: oh nothing, just milking the Santa!
Santa: oh god!
People in the Philippines(PI) like 2 celebrate Christmas 4 as long as possible! The playing of Christmas carols in shops starts on the 1st of September! The formal Christmas celebrations start on 16th December when many people go 2 the 1st of 9 pre-dawn or early morning masses. The last mass is on Christmas day. The Christmas celebrations continue 2 the 1st Sunday in January when Epiphany or the Feast of the 3 Kings is celebrated.
In the PI the early masses held be4 Christmas R called the 'Misa de Gallo' or 'Simbang Gabi' in Filipino.
Christmas customs in the PI R a mixture of western & native Filipino traditions. (Christianity became widely known in The PI in the 1500s when missionaries from countries like Portugal & Spain traveled 2 the area.) So people in the PI have Santa Claus (or 'Santa Klaws'), Christmas trees, Christmas cards & Christmas carols from western countries!
One very special person who helps people in the PI celebrate Christmas is Santa R-Kayma Klaws. He is a Filipino citizen, in his 70s & is of Filipino/Irish descent. He has been spreading Christmas cheer among poor Filipino children & seniors by adorning custom made suits as Santa during charity missions & corporate events in poor areas of the Philippines 4 over 56 years. He has a 'giant motor sleigh' (an air-conditioned bus!) that is used in many missions all over the PI. Santa R-Kayma Klaws owns the PI' only reindeer farm at Mt. Isarog in Barangay Sta. Cruz, Ocampo, Camarines Sur.
Santa Klaws may facebook ka ba?