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Pain, that transcends physical or mental limitations, and affects the very genetic makeup of your future children. It is more severe than brain damage.
Occurs most often when someone says something so dull, insipid, or moronic that it causes mental distress/pain.
A: Bro, if you lost all your fingers, would you still try to masturbate?
B: Dude, your question just gave me sperm damage.
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A woman who tries to trap a man by getting herself knocked up.
Obvious giveaways: she decides to have the baby anyway. Even when he says he’s not into it. And then of course tries to lock him down.
Often the plan fails, which leads to repeat offenders. A single mom with a baby or very young kid who wants lots of wild sex is highly suspect. Many try it again with a new target.
“Oops, I forgot to take my pill!” is the favorite method. But sperm burglars also poke holes in condoms, steal jizz out of discarded condoms, or simply scoop the cum inside her after he comes in her mouth or on her chest. It only takes one sperm to do the job.
See also: daddy issues, Dependent Personality Disorder, stage 5 clingers.
John: Jane is perfect for me—she loves all the kinky shit I do to her—even cumming on her face!
Roger: Don’t fall for that man. You know Dave didn’t want to have a kid, right? But she’s a sperm burglar, and she got him. He escaped though, so now she’s desperate to hook some new schmuck to take care of her and her expensive little mini.
John: Damn! No wonder she seemed too good to be true.
When a chick let's a load drip out on her cupped palm and then shoves it back in any of her 3 holes.
Yeah bro, your auntie really kept the bachelor party going with that sperm shovel maneuver.
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A feminine napkin worn after sex which ended with a creampie .
My boyfriend shot such a huge load in me that had to wear a sperm pad for the rest of the day.
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The theory that the sperm from two or more males will compete with each other inside a females reproductive tract to fertilize her egg.
Sperm competition should insure that only the most virile of males father offspring.
Any guy looking to get something for self gratification by either shooting his load into a jar at a sperm bank and getting paid for being a jerk-off OR by sweet talking a female into letting his loser-ass fuck her and when she gets pregnant by him he punks-out and won't daddy-up.
Mr. Squirt, aka sperm-donor, went to the sperm-bank where he made a deposit and got a withdrawal because he needed money to impress the hotty he had a date with that night where he would make another deposit but no withdrawal.
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Similar to how a sad movie is known as a tear jerker. A sperm jerker is another name for a porno.
"i plan on staying in and watching some sperm jerkers tonight.