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Satanic panic is a phenomenon where angry old Christian conservatives (also see noncervatives) start clutching their pearls about anything totally harmless bring "evil" or spewing complete nonsense about how the devil is trying to "brainwash" people. Recently started facing a very noticeable resurgence around the time the 2024 Paris Olympics started, where drag queens performed in the opening ceremony (which due to being filmed for a live audience, was totally family friendly).
Naturally, these pissed off old people with no life have taken to standing around all day in the streets throughout many states, holding up signs telling people to more or less convert to Christianity or Catholicism. These 'protests' aren't always peaceful though, as a few instances reported these same people with signs crying Satanic panic, have resorted to attempting to more or less kidnap unattended children or outright trying to grab them from their parents, hinting at these conservatives' more naturally predatory instincts.
If you encounter an instance of Satanic panic, hide your kids and hide your wives/husbands/partners, but most importantly, remember to yell the word Nonce as loud as you can. That way, their Satanic panic will be cured in no time. Worst case scenario, call the authorities, kidnapping is against the law.
If you or someone you know is showing signs or has a history of Satanic panic, seek help today.
Susan: I heard Benjamin ended up on the register last week
Helen: Benjamin?? What did he do?
Susan: The Satanic panic got to him, I heard they found 3 girls dressed in white and tied up in his basement!
Helen: This is getting out of control, I hope he's getting the help he clearly needs
The act of overreacting so much to a minor situation that you have to masturbate to alleviate stress.
Man, I discovered I needed new shoes and got so flustered I needed to panic fap it out
It’s like you don’t want there next year to come or if you celebrate Christmas you think of everything you want the day after
I’ve been experiencing some after holiday panic recently
Freaking out after an exam, thinking you did badly, that you immediately drop the class, only to regret it after.
I didn't realize there was a back to the exam until after I left, so I ran to my advisor and ended up panic dropping the class.
When you're doing research for a paper and you read a piece of theory, and in so doing, discover you need to read like 30 other theorists. That feeling.
"Have you seen Zach recently?"
"Haven't you heard? He's got Chicago Style Panic"
"Dear God..."
What every dogger did the night before lockdown, panicking they won't be able to do it for a while.
Where's Jim tonight? I thought he'd be here for pre-lockdown drinks?
Ah, he's out panic dogging so he can get as much in as possible before everyone is dogging online.
When you read at every available opportunity cause you are on a deadline to finish a book
It's December, so I'm panic reading to meet my Goodreads goal.