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Random
The fornication and/or sexual intercourse with a minor
Pope John Paul II totally catholic styled me!
A gay private school where the teachers are very strict
epiphany catholic school
is the gayest school in Miami.
A Catholic high school in Preston that is filled to the brim with the two N's (Nonces and Narcs) it's staff is likely under trained it is hell on earth if you were thinking of going how about instead shoving a ten foot tall spike up your arse until it bursts out of your head my head of year started shipping me with some boys (even tho I'm a lesbian) and they clearly don't know how to treat children you can never take off your jumper (even after school(I am not even kidding they wait outside Paris and shops and stuff and watch you so you have to keep it on it doesn't matter how hot it is)) unless summer uniform is called this is the worst school I could think of. Another thing about this school is you get referred for showing any emotion e.g I got referred for crying once they are well strict on gum and chewing gum I hate it there so if you're thinking of going please for your safety and mental stability please just don't go there
Jacob: why tf do you still have your school jumper on its 30°c
Anna: I go to Our Lady's Catholic High School (OLCHS) so the teachers are waiting outside the park and watching us so I can't break any of the school rules including the strict uniform policy
Jacob: that's bullshit they can't do that. What about human rights.
Anna: they don't fucking care they also take away freedom of speech so yeah
Jacob: that has to be illegal
The ridiculously unnatural contortion of the body, commonly witnessed during films involving demonic possesion or Catholic exorcisms.
"The demon possessed girl was nearly finished with a game of Catholic Twister by the time the priest arrived."
The furious amalgamation of a quantity of at least 72 pigeons with the head and feathers removed, merged by any means necessary into a spherical shape and doused in holy water. When creating a Catholic pigeon orb, it is customary to offer the heads of all pigeons used in the creation of the orb to His Holiness the Pope. Under no circumstances can the orb be consumed by a human being.
I made a Catholic pigeon orb the other day. You should have seen the look on The Pope's face. He was delighted!
Things You Should Never Say To a Catholic Mom:
1. I'm sure your son will want to play with my Catholic toys.
Why it's offensive: Because your own little boy may never be Catholic, so you wouldn't understand. You don't know our secret, so don't even attempt to claim that you know our boys' favorite toys!
2. My kid is becoming more Catholic every day!
Why it's offensive: My child is not "becoming Catholic." Only Mother Theresa or Mother Teresa could speak to my child on a personal level.
3. Would you like to see the priest today?
Why it's offensive: Why would I want to see a priest? My Catholic faith is personal, and my son is not ready to go around asking people to make promises they can't keep. He is more concerned with driving cars, playing with animals, or his chicken.
4. My daughter is becoming more Catholic every day!
Why it's offensive: Because she is not. She is just my daughter. It is highly offensive to suggest that she is "becoming Catholic" because you don't know our secret.
5. My child does not understand Catholic prayers.
Why it's offensive: Do you understand what the F-word means? Do you know how to use a bedpan? Do you speak to your toddler like that?
6. I don't know why people are so judgmental.
Why it's offensive: Because you've never heard me getting on the phone with the delivery guy at Dominick's for 10 minutes because our cat didn't get her salad order right. It's called Motherhood, folks!
7. My son's Catholic school is making him go to mass.
Why it's offensive: Because your son's Catholic school is making you get him out of bed in the morning, make him go to mass, force him to participate in the sacraments, and make him listen to anything other than rap or country music for four hours.
8. I can't believe you'd let your kid go to that Catholic school!
Why it's offensive: You're not going to stop your child from going to public school, so why are you so concerned with mine?
9. My child is coming home with art projects. You know, the kind of stuff a nun wouldn't appreciate.
Why it's offensive: Because you're assuming that all art projects made by little boys are rough, violent, and inappropriately sexual. You know nothing about art, you fruitcake.
10. I'm not Catholic, so I don't need to send my child to Catholic school.
Why it's offensive: You're not Catholic, either! So how dare you criticize my choices? Who do you think you are?
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(This article was originally published at Catholic Mom.)