Salvation Snake Oil

Any set of beliefs, particularly extreme Abrahamic faiths (Extreme Christianity, Islam etc), that people buy into as a way of not dealing with their own mortality.

Humans are cognitively vulnerable to believe in such systems, and many so called "religions" take advantage of this. Meaning people end up sacrificing and wasting some or all of their own short time on this earth for a fictional assurance fram an ethereal being they will never meet.

(Knock Knock)
JW Chumps : "Hi, we are Jehovah's Witnesses, would you like to talk about how much God loves you"

Me: "No, I don't need any Salvation Snake Oil"

JW Chumps : "We aren't selling oil sir, we would like to talk about how you can be saved."

Me: "Do you believe in Dinosaurs?"

JW Chumps: ??

Me: "If your god is so benevolent, why is he promising a crap ending for anyone who doesn't belive in your poorly constructed borrowings of other faiths that have existed for thouasands of years before Charlie came up with this gig?"

JW Chumps: ??

Me: "How is it that the chosen place for your leaders is in New York City - when the rest of the Abrahamic faiths have their spiritual centres in and around the other side of the world?"

JW Chumps: ??

Me: "Would you like some Salvation Snake Oil?"

JW Chumps: "Ah thank you sir, have a nice day"

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Tijuana Oil Change

On a driveway (often covered with newspaper for easy clean-up), one person lets diarrhea drain from them while another person pours fresh diarrhea into his/her mouth, possibly through a funnel. A cooperative act.

Harvey went for a jog around the block to warm up before Brad helped him with his Tijuana Oil Change.

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Instant Oil Change

from the missionary position, the man dips his dick into the vag of a girl on her period in the same manner one would use a dipstick to check for oil.
then, while the girl is suspended on chairs, the man gets underneath her, opens her vag, and then catches and swallows the menstrual blood as it leaks out, like an oil pan.

Ted: "So, I was goin' down on my girlfriend last night, but she was on her period, so I performed an instant oil change on her."

Ned: "DUDE! That is sick! Nice!!!"

Ted: "I know right?! Which reminds me, I need to go to Jiffy Lube."

Ned: "Lol, Jiffy Lube."

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oil pen

a pen that doesn’t exist

She tried to use her oil pen but realized it wasn’t a thing.

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Oil and gas driller

When you fill your partners anal cavity with molasses then drill it with your cock after which your partner farts creating gas bubbles in the molasses

Damo told ken he would be his mentor and show him the ins and outs of being an oil and gas driller

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norwegian oil pump

Acquire black tar heroin, as much as you can get. Get a golden retriever, the hairier the better. Find lover of opposite sex who is completely hairless. The younger the better. Shave golden retriever. Then place shaved hair in butt hole of lover and pour black tar heroin over top. Proceed to anally fuck her. After you cum you should be able to spray black tar heroin and cum all over your lover while yelling, "Føles som momma!"

My mom said I'd never make her happy. Then I showed her the Norwegian oil pump.

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mexican oil change

low rider with automatic oil change ( just pull handle )

In city of compton in my low rider on dash-board is a handle. It says " mexican oil change ". When those city doggs & Pole-ice mans get on my bumper. I do a mexican oil change !!
Pull handle blow oil all over street & watch um spin out...

PS hombre's if LAPD pulls U over just say, " I take to shop & fix leak "

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