Beard Magic

1. An umbrella term referencing all religious laws of an 'irrational' nature, most often found in the Abrahamic faiths and often in the older texts.

2. The correlation between support for hair-brained third-party candidates (i.e. Ron Paul, The Green Party, etc.) and the length and scope of one's facial hair.

Used in a sentence:

1:

"Dude, that Deuteronomy shit is total Beard Magic."

or

"I was going to have sex with Becky but she's on the rag and that would violate the laws of beard magic."

2:

"I swear, the only reason Jack is voting for Kinky Friedman is that kooky beard magic."

"Rob, you don't want to vote libertarian, you're just under the spell of your beard's magic (sic). Shave that shit off."

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Goat's beard

A term taken from the highly historical and accurate series 'Vikings' referring to the female sex organ covered in foliage because presumably they didn't have handy razors way back when.... just big axes

''And the Earl who has nothing between his legs, but a goat's beard''

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leprechaun in the beard

When a man with a large beard gives somebody a blow job, and the receiver of said blow job has ingested nothing but pineapple juice for the past 3 days.

Dude, he's on one of those weird cleanses-- don't hit him up on Grindr unless you're *trying* to get a leprechaun in the beard.

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Bearded Stanislaw

Sexual position wherein a female with an overly hairy muff (70's style) sits on their partner's face, back to nose, so the bush creates a beard on the sat upon.

With summer approaching, my girl was preparing for bikini time by getting a brazillian wax. I told her, "Hold on, this is a rare opportunity to experience a Bearded Stanislaw."

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monkey beard

A pudenda covered with bristles, similar to a chimp or monkeys chin. Can chafe or irritate the male groin during intercourse. Usually the result of non-frequent tending to the Lady Garden.

I dumped my load all over her monkey beard.

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Bearded Rascal

An unshorn vagina.

Crusty Sea Pirate (whilst looking at pirate-era porn): "Arg, wouldya look at the bearded rascal on this fine wench!"

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Rapist Beard

Facial hair that is unkept and intimidating.
Typically agressive male rapists have this type of beard since they do not bother with grooming activities as they have more important things to do like lift weights, drink beer, smoke ganja and scope out dark alleys.

Dude what's with the rapist beard?

-Haven't been able to shave sinc i spent my last 10 bucks on new wife beater shirts.

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