doucheometer

One's level of douchiness... measured on a scale using the unit

A-hole/Sec... Highest ever measured was 1 A-hole/sec

Brian: "Ha ha, I'm being so funny right now"
Mike: "No your not, you're like totally measuring a 1 on the doucheometer right now"

Doucheometer

The level in which your intuition kicks in and tells your gut you are dealing with a level of. Douchness, far beyond any basic level of comprehension.

Usually your doucheometer kicks in when you recognize the effects experienced by the typical recognizable attributes, such as: "What are you talking about? It was you, not me" when discussing the fact that you know damn well the nutella jar is empty and you didn't have any...

Claims the order was for him and then runs off with your pizza that you already paid for...

Sees you coming with an assload of shopping bags and then proceeds to lock and deadbolt the door, while staring through the glass at you with a mildly disdainful smirk...
And after all of this, proceeds to tell you, YOURE THE TROLL!!!!!!