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Someone initiates their personal mutiny against the toxic food industrial complex with the help of gluten free food products.
Since Maggie became a Gluteneer, she has lost 50 pounds and looks healthy and happy again. Is she dating anyone?
5👍 5👎
Extremely toxic poison that kills it's victims slowly and painfully if consumed. Avoid any physical contact. It is also advisable to avoid inhalation, as the smell of gluten has been reported to make you gain double your weight in fat in a matter of seconds. This poison is responsible for everything bad that has ever happened in this country.
Oh, no! There's a cat stuck on that tree! Poor thing, it must have been gluten.
92👍 27👎
Something that an attention seeker is allergic to.
Woody: I'm not sure what gluten is? Is it in bread?
Taylor: Don't worry, no one is actually allergic to it.
237👍 94👎
A protein that is found in cereal grains such as wheat, rye, barley, spelt, and kamut, but NOT in rice, quinoa, corn, buckwheat, or millet. It is a more common allergen than most people are aware of. The condition in which the body creates an immune response to products containing gluten is called Celiac disease.
My little bro is shitting blood because of that bowl of pasta you made him. I told you he's gluten sensitive, you douchebag!
223👍 94👎
(verb, past tense)
When someone who has celiac disease, or is living a gluten free lifestyle, accidentally consumes any substance containing enough gluten to make them ill.
INT. LAB - AFTERNOON
Dr. Johnson, Dr. Rye, and Dr. Barleywheat are scientists in a lab, looking over a top secret laser project they are working on, when suddenly Dr. Johnson bends over in pain.
DR. BARLEYWHEAT
What's wrong, Johnson? Johnson. Johnson!
Dr. Johnson does not respond, and sinks down to the floor.
DR. BARLEYWHEAT
Doctor Rye, what's wrong with Doctor Johnson?
DR. RYE
I have no idea.
DR. BARLEYWHEAT
What do you mean you haven't got any idea? Does she have any illnesses? Any medical concerns?
Dr. Johnson groans in pain on the ground.
DR. RYE
(frantically)
Illnesses? I don't know. I don't know!
Dr. Rye begins to hyperventilate. Dr. Barleywheat grabs Dr. Rye and slaps him twice across the face.
DR. BARLEYWHEAT
Get yourself together, Doctor Rye! Think, damn it!
Dr. Rye's eyes widen.
DR. RYE
Oh wait! She told me a few weeks ago that she has some kind of
disease! Celiac disease!
Dr. Barleywheat rubs his chin in thought, then cocks his head suspiciously.
DR. BARLEYWHEAT
So she's a celiac, heh? Say, Doctor Rye, what did you two have for
lunch today? Quick! Her life could depend on it!
DR. RYE
Sushi! We had sushi!
Dr. Barleywheat's eyes widen.
DR. BARLEYWHEAT
Did you happen to have soy sauce with your sushi?
DR. RYE
Yes, why? What does that matter?
Dr. Barleywheat drops his head, then slowly looks up.
DR. BARLEYWHEAT
My God. It's just as I thought.
DR. RYE
What?! What is it?!
DR. BARLEYWHEAT
Somebody call a doctor. She's been glutened!
15👍 3👎
This little guy is found in wheat, rye, and barley. People with celiac cannot consume it because their intestine for some sickening reason things gluten is evil and rejects it. This is a sad thing, because a gluten-free diet in America is a very, very depressing thing.
While your friends eat oreos, cake, and other hallmarks of the wondrous American diet, you must crunch dry rice cakes and order salads without croutons or most dresses.
Gluten is basically evil. It punches the villi of a celiac's gut and it's not nice. Gluten is evil.
I ate gluten from that yummy oreo and now I am puking.
112👍 61👎
Someone who goes to a restaurant, orders a gluten free hamburger & it comes out with a normal bun & eats it. Fuckkk! I've been glutenized!
I just ate that regular bun, now I'm glutenized!