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Main Line Moms are overattentive, overinvolved, pampered, prissy JAP-spawning machines. They'll fight tooth and nail for their kids to get undeserved As and not just because they do all their school projects for them. They hire tutors for $80/hour when their kids get an A-, shuttle their kids and their lacrosse equipment and golden retrievers around in their Landrovers, and know all the gossip about their kids' classmates before they do. Main Line moms peak at college admissions and Bar/Bat Mitzvah seasons. They tread the line between passive-aggressive and aggressive-aggressive and if you're skeptical, try Nordstrom Petites during the semi-annual sale or getting a parking spot in Suburban Square. They adore gays but they lock their car doors when they see a black person. A true Main Line Mom keeps an immaculate home and garden, but only because of the coterie of immigrant gardeners, house-cleaners, and babysitters they employ. Main Line moms know that they deserve the world and so do their kids. And they won't let you forget it.
Lower Merion High School Student 1: My mom found out from Laura Cooper's mom who heard from Robin Goldfarb's mom that Rachael Silverberg gave Jake Weinstein head under the table at Adam Rubin's bar mitzvah.
Lower Merion High School Student 2: OMG, the Main Line Mom gossip network is out of control.
150👍 24👎
The typical main line mom is the one who stays home and drives a big car so she can shuttle all her kids and their friends around. They usually have around 5 to 7 kids. During the day they go to the mall to blow their husbands money and chat with their friends on their blackberrys, but at night they go into homework mode and do all their kids homework for them so they can be the best. Every weekend they go to a party and get a local villa nova student to watch their kids while they go get wasted. During the summer they vacation at their house in avalon, new jersey or go to their country clubs and sit under the cabanas with the other main line moms and gossip. Typically a main line mom will raise their kids everything they want. Many main line moms are referred to as milfs.
Billy: dude your mom is the typical main line mom, she's such a milf!
Mike: dude thats so weird!
Billy: sorry, is she going to drive us to lax?
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These fuckers make driving through the Main Line hell. Usually 40-60 years of age and have multiple children. All of them have the trashiest Philly accent you will ever witness and if you are at a stop light and you aren't driving 0.00000000000001 seconds after it turns green they will honk and scream at you from their Subaru SUV until you move, and will most likely try to cut you off even if they aren't going in your direction.
Main Line Mom: *honks car* Fucking move cunt! My daughter has a dance recital in fifteen minutes and you're making me late!
Me: Fuck off cunt!
Her Children: Ooooooooooooooooooooh
5👍 3👎
You see them everywhere. Here are a few tis for finding them.
1. They are very loud. Others are loud too but this is another level of loud. However if you still cannot hear them, I'd recommend listening to the bragging about a child. You'll hear they key words of, brilliant, genius, kind, and "best in class". Main Line Moms are not one's to keep thought to themselves. I'd recommend not cursing in front of their children unless you want an ear full of maturity lessons.
2. You can spot them driving as well. Look for a minivan, and Landrover, or an Audi Q7.
3. The hair. Your typical Main Line Mom has a bob cut, longer on one side and buzzed on the other. Do not mistake She with He unless you wished to get yelled at
4. Main Line Moms are easy to track down. Mostly found in stores like Target, SamsClub, and Walmart.
5. These moms have 3-5 kids. Whenever you seem to want quiet the kids will yell and the mom will be on the phone
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The lines on a woman's face which indicate that she is a mom. Most likely, these lines are a result of the toll brought on from carrying, bearing, and raising a child or children. You can find these lines on the inside of the cheek, right above the mouth.
Me: Bro, I've gotten really good at identifying moms on dating apps.
Buddy: How do you do that?
Me: Look at the face closely. If you see mom lines, she most likely has kids.
Tan lines from a full bottom swim suit, as opposed to a thong bottom
"Which swim suit are you packing for the beach?"
"Definitely my thong bikini, I don't want mom lines!"