Port-Abort

Port-Abort, or portable abortion, otherwise known as the Dyson Vaccum, is an abortion solution invented and popularized by James Dyson with the goal of sucking your shit off the floor when it accumulates to the point the FBI stages an investigation on your house due to the suspicion they could find a historical monument buried under it. Theres an on button and an off one. You know what to do.

Person 1: Hey, I think I need an abortion.
Person 2: Go grab the Port-Abort. You can do it.