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Noun. Also known as telescams and cold calls. When a salesperson calls you unexpectantly and offers you something you don't want or need, such as double glazing.
In the US and Australia, telemarketing is restricted and policed. In the UK, it is less controlled, because otherwise it would clash with the free speech laws.
Telemarketing is the bain of most houseowners' existences, and will guarentee you a place in Hades if you ever get a job in a telemarketing company.
"God, I only asked my girlfriend to sell her body for money, it's not like I asked her to go into telemarketing!" - Jeremy (Robert Webb), Peep Show
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Something where people who dropped out of high school can go and make money by making unwanted calls to people over the phone.
Telemarketing is the stupidest thing ever invented in the history of telephones.
A telemarketer is basically a technology-equipped street hawker who rings you incessantly and tries to turn your own private home into a market bazaar, just in case you don't find the constant spruiking of products and services in junk mail, on radio programs, TV commercials and late-night infomercials annoying enough.
It ranks just above being a wheel-clamper, a parking inspector and a pimp, but trumps all with its persistence and invasiveness.
It's one of the few jobs which give a chance for hermits who never leave the house to experience the joys of being incessantly harassed in their own home.
It is a very unprofessional and disrespectful way to market products and it reeks of desperation. Attempting to get people to agree to complex deals over the phone and not giving them time to compare the deal with the competition or any current deals they have, is a scummy way of doing business.
The lack of respect inherent in the job is demonstrated by corporates themselves who outsource their telemarketing to places like India to keep their marketing costs down.
Get call-barring if you can, or ditch your landline for a mobile. These are the only ways to stop these people. You can abuse them all you like, make all the requests to them to stop ringing and they will always ignore you.
The epitome of corporate arrogance and unprofessionality.
The Zombie Holocaust will not be televised: it is already being brought to you in person four or more times a day by Indian telemarketers.
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A heartless cretin making minimum wage whose job involves calling prospective clients to sell them goods or services they don't want, can't afford and have no use for. They tend to target the elderly and the very young, as these two are the most vulnerable to their bullshit sales pitches, and usually call to annoy you around dinner time as that is when you are most likely to be around. These miserable parasites are as moral as an Islamic terrorist on PCP and are the social equivalent of a tiny insect feasting on the sweaty brown residue between the anus and testicles.
ME: Hello?
TELEMARKETER: Hello, is this Mr. (my name)?
ME: Yes, how can I help you?
TELEMARKETER: Hi! I represent the Federal Guarantee Life Insurance Company, and I'd like to talk to you about--
ME: Excuse me...there's someone at my door. Could you hold on for a moment?
TELEMARKETER: Sure!
(I go off to watch TV and return five minutes later)
ME: You still there?
TELEMARKETER: Yes.
ME: Fuck you, dickwad. --click--
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Telemarketer: Hello. Are you interested in-
You: No, sorry. I'm not interested
Note; Telemarketers only understand the 'interested' of this sentence.
Tele: Well howa 'bout a nice, comfy-
You (more agitated): No. Sorry but-
Tele: Would you like to subscribe to-
You (bursts): NO I WOULD NOT. YOU CAN GO SUCK YOUR MOM'S BALLS AND GO THE FUCK AWAY!
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Little annoying @!#$% that keep on calling you when your busy
The @#$!ing telemarketer called me while i was eating
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The telephone equivalent of spam.
The worst kind of salesman in the universe.
Traits: Officious, sometimes bullshittingly "polite" pricks who will recall your number over and over when they aren't scamming other random phone numbers.
How to deal with them: Shoot em up! ...er, i meant
How to really deal with them: Whenever one of these calls you, immediately i.d. which category it falls into:
Survey
Unwanted service
Donation scam
Subcription for 40 months of shitty magazines you dont need
Now the fun part. Keep acting like youre interested in whatever theyre offering. Thank them for every last excruciating detail they throw at you at hyper-machine gun speed so they have trouble concentrating trying to sucker you into their shit. Prolong everything. Ask questions about everything they say (be sure to sound as happy as can be, and as interested as a masochist in hell). Then, when the inevitable closing deal part of the conversation comes, your choices are:
Hang-up
"Fuck youz" + Hang-up
"Go fuck yourself"
"Get a real job"
"U r SuxOr"
"-random soundeffect-"
"i did your mom"
Be creative. Let your imagination take over in getting back at these asses. Peace`=)
Notorious telemarketers = Orange County Register, Phone survey groups, Magazine subscribers
All mentioned above, kiss my ass
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