Tampoline

Something girls use to bounce on. It is usually quite supple, though not, unfortunately, subtle. The sport of tampolining can be dangerous, with a possible risk of Contamplination. Side effects include sweating, dilated pupils, auditory and visual hallucinations, most commonly seeing red stars in front of your eyes or a fat man in a tutu who shouts "EMINENCE! EMINENCE!" and hearing the Travelling Wilburys when the sun sets. Your voice may also go up an octave and start sounding slightly like Roy Orbison and you may feel a constant need to rub yourself erotically on anything vaguely related to Norway. This disease is not generally serious, though the worst cases have been known to result in proposal, leading to decreased spatal awareness and being cloven in two. Where more common diseases like Shureydia and Fistula Sylvanitis can be caused by such rudimentary items like cinnamon and meatballs, Contamplination is actually cured by rubbing cloves all over your body.

"And I found out the bitch had Contamplination... so I ground her with my pestle"
"I wish I could tampoline, but unfortunately I have a penis."
"My thighs hurt, too much tampolining last night"
"Daniel avoided Contamplination with a swift clove enema. It hurt, but it was worth it."

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tampoline

A tampon created just for use by men.

Brad: Hey, Joe, got any tampolines? It's that time of month for me.
Me: Yeah, you want bubblegum-scented giraffe print or chocolate-scented zebra print?
Brad: Definitely the bubblegum-scented giraffe print. Thanks, dude.
Me: Anytime, bro! And don't forget to buy a tampon case for those!

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