epiphery

is what Michael Scott had on The Office (U.S.), S3: E:14

"I had...an epiphery..."

Epiphery

The accidental (and very painful) removal of hemorrhoids during anal sex.

Dwight Shroot's ginormous kurcina wore the white walls off of Michael Scott's largest soulja boy, causing a bloody booty blowout... and epiphery juice went everywhere.