mind trick

When you are in an argument and you accidentally support your opponent, then your opponent has done a mind trick on you.

How a mind trick works:
Jack: Let's go outdoors!
Me: No.
Jack: Yes.
Me: No way.
Jack: Yes!
Me: No!
Jack: Yes!
Me: Yes... I mean no!
Jack: Alright then let's go!

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Stock market

The fastest way to gain money and lose money.
You buy then sell then buy then sell then profit from it or lose money.
Then etc.

Successful Guy: I made billions of dollars every single day on the stock market.
Unsuccessful guy: I lost a lot of money.
Unsuccessful guys friend: What! You spent all my money and lost them?

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Appled

Getting autocorrected when using iPhone, iPad, other Apple stuff, hence the term Appled. Getting Appled (autocorrected) is really annoying!

Dad: I have to tell you something
Son: What
Dad: I'm eating your mom out tonight at 8 so you'll have to find your own dinner
Son: Um... what?
Dad: I'm not eating her out I'm taking her out to dinner. Just got Appled, stupid auto cucumber. I mean autocorrect.
Son: lol

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Dushbags

How douchebags spell douchebags.

Dbag: How many dushbags do I see here.
Guy: Ur the douchebag you don't know how to spell douchebag.

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Sh计

1) A stylish way to write shit. 计 is a Chinese character but looks like it. Can be used when chat has a swear filter.

1) In WoW
Dabest_Pwner: Hahahaahah! Attack me and you get pwned! Haha run away Orc cowards!
JustaWoWplayer: This game is hard! I keep getting pwned by them Orcs! This game is sh计.
Dabest_Pwner: You must be Asian?
JustaWoWplayer: No I'm just trying to write s***.

2) IRL (in real life)
Gangsta: Man this is hard. The police are everywhere and we ain't gonna escape them popos. What loads of shit. Can't they stop sticking their noses in our business?
Crime Boss: Well well well. If they gonna catch us we gonna pop their ass! We'll show em who's boss!

Techno logic

1) A type of logic about computers, cellphones and computer codes (e.g. JavaScript, C++)
2) What every programmer has

Programmer: I can hack an account for you.
Guy: Really? Can you hack my gfs account?
Programmer: Certainly. Just let me use your computer for an hour.
-one hour later-
Programmer: Done.
Guy: How did you do that?
Programmer: I have a lot of techno logic!

Premature shooting

When you cum too soon only to see that your gf is disappointed and broke up with you.

Guy 1: My girlfriend broke up with me.
Guy 2: Why?
Guy 1: When I was nailing her it was all fine until I had premature shooting and she was disappointed because I had a microshaft.
Guy 2: Take some Viagra.

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