golfish

adj. A term describing any golf-like event that is desperately attempting to pump up interest in golf.

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I’d watch Tiger Woods driving balls off John Daly’s belly, but it isn’t golf.

No, but it is golfish.

overumbraging

v. Taking offence when obviously none was intended.

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My law firm wants to fire me because I said I liked to eat brownies. There were crumbs on my lips. Delicious crumbs.

Overumbraging. It’ll be the death of conversation.

You can’t say “death”. Major trigger.

beefaced

adj. Extreme facial oedema following a bee sting. A painful condition which is considered humorous if it is non-fatal..

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Dude! I wiz pollin’ the apiaristos and the buzz was like you’d bee totally beefaced this A.M. and it bee all true! That is a honey of a reaction right there. This selfie with you giant red mug be a keeper.

willslap

n. Ineffective light tap on the face following elaborate wind-up.

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Did you just willslap me? I couldn’t tell. You got ALS or something? Steve Hawking could out pummel you.

wholeache

n. Condition following a night of wild drinking and debauchery in which not just the head, but the entire body hurts. Not to be confused with a “holeache” which too can follow a similar night of revelry.

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Leave the room if you plan to breathe, blink or produce other deafening bodily noises. I have a wholeache and a pistol.

With an attached silencer?

relationchip

n. Intimate connection with a bowl of comfort food in lieu of close personal contact. Generally asexual.

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Relationchip status: Extra-spicy tacos.

in silico

adj. Existing in a computer or other chip-based electronic device. Parallel term to “in situ” and “in vivo”. Often used metaphorically.

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Do you ever feel you are living your whole life in silico?

Yes. But I am a RPU68 robotic pleasure unit, you bad girl.