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A few minutes before the services started, the towns people were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." ! said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope."
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
- Why does it cost so little to call Satan on the phone in the US?
- Because it's just a local call.
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Obey Me's Avatar of Wrath, "Wrath" being "Daddy Issues". Will probably sell you for a stray cat. Decided that polka dot pants and feathers were intimidating and went with it. His function in the story is to simp for you and to gossip with Asmodeus like they were high schoolers.
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AN INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT... My queen that owns an Instagram called @satan. He mocks butthurt kids, has a lot of money, and promotes himself by encouraging children to write his username on the whiteboards of classrooms.
Man 1: do you follow @satan on Instagram?
Man 2: Yes of course! He is so funny
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A very common misspelling of Santa. Such mistakes are often made by small children writing letters to infamous child molester Santa Claus during the holiday season.
Your gay-ass spelling costs Satan hundreds of millions of dollars a year due to the retarded flying reindeer allegations they cause. Thanks a lot, dipshits.
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Something most poeple on Urbandictionary, and the world, obviously know nothing about.
Most teenagers who claim to be satanists do not know the concept of Satanism themselves.
LaVeyan Satanism is the type of satanism where you practice self-indulgence, and believe that you are your own god. Nothing fucked-up or rebellious about that.
Theistic Satanism is the type of satanism where you actually do believe in and worship a literal Satan.
There is no reason to call this religion ridiculous, just take a look at Scientology.
People who hear the word "Satanism" quickly assume it is pure evil.
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A place where twelve year old can go to on Instagram to learn the benefits of drugs, sex, and shout notice me in the comments. Generally a metaphor for the whole of the Internet.
Dude, you're kid is such a square, he didn't want to get danked, so you better @satan him before it's too late.
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