Pettin’ the Turtle

A situation when one takes an incomplete shit, leaving a protruding “turtle head” behind. The shitter then must pet the lodged turtle head approximately 70 times with toilet paper or moist wipes, shitter’s choice of course.

Mary was pettin’ the turtle for a solid hour after the lunch special at Benihana.

my turtles

Used as a pick-up line to refer to ones own pubic hair(s). pubs bush exotic turtle hairy

Would you like to go look at my turtles, they are pretty exotic.

Condom Turtle

A visible erection through the condom.

I leaned over, in an attempt to hide my condom turtle.

turtle peepee

when you put just the tip in

person 1: “turtle peepee?”
person 2: “geheheggerrrrgrggr YES!”

Land turtle

Madelyn is a land turtle not a fish

Omg look at Madelyn she is a land turtle.

turtle pond

The shitter, bog or crapper. When you have the turtle head you must return it to the turtle pond!

Let's go.

Give me ten minutes, I've got to visit the turtle pond.

turtle beef

Having a falling out between friends over who's the best Ninja Turtle. Coined by Wayne Brady on stream with Marc Rebillet.

No, I don't talk to Joe anymore, we had a turtle beef... I mean, Michelangelo is clearly the best, how could he say Leonardo is the best!?