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The most blessed item on earth (other than beer and sex). People who smoke pay more taxes therefore we are patriotic. Cigarettes are usually found with a filter. People who don't smoke should invest in a filter, bitches. God knows, I would never smoke without one. In today's modern society, smokers are a rare breed of people who could give two shits about health, yellow skin, and stinky clothes because we realize that cough medicine is good, it'll help you get better. Soap will make your skin a normal color, and for God's sake, if your clothes stink, then wash them. And ater all, your gonna die someday, and who the hell wants to be old with wrinkly balls and a penis that no longer works? I will most likley never quit smoking because...
A) It is my civic duty to put into our government system.
2) I'm not a big fan of old people, don't wanna become one.
C) It pisses people off something fierce.
Next) Beer does not reach it's maximum potential in taste without the wonderful taste of a Camel Light.
5) I want to die of something of my choosing, when I get lung caner, the doctors will put me on so much pain medication that I will not notice that the copious amounts of blood that I am coughing out have put my cigarette out.
F) Shit, the movie stars do it.
Times To Smoke:
-When stressed
-After sex
-While drinking
-After waking up
-Before going to sleep
-While playing poker
-While bored
-While on smoke break
-Before meals
-After meals
-When driving
-When drowsy
-When drunk
-When confused
-While deep in thought
-When around others who smoke
-When writing this definition
-When scared
-When nervous
-When around people who DON'T smoke
-When doing laundry (i.e. stinky clothes)
-Upon buying a new pack
-When introducing yourself
-When you are living life to it's fullest
-When living fast and dying young
-When drinking coffee
-When coughing
-While watching a movie
-When angry
-After class
These are just a few good reasons and times to smoke. If you do not like smoking, do not smoke. If you do not like cigarette smoke, get a filter. If you don't like smokers, don't date them. And for fuck's sake, DON'T i repeat, DON'T tell a smoker that smoking is bad, we already know and furthermore...we don't care.
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Johnny Non-smoker: "You know, smoking is bad for your health."
Me: "OH MY FUCKING GOD, THANK FUCKING CHRIST, YOU SAVED ME, I HAD NO IDEA THAT IT WAS BAD FOR MY HEALTH, I'm so glad that a person such as yourself has come into my life and saved me from the dangers of cigarettes. You are truley a blessed person."
Johnny Non-Smoker: "Well, man, I thought it was just the right thing to do."
Me: "Oh wait, I forgot, I could give two shits, I hope you die of second hand smoke. Where the fuck is my lighter?"
2304👍 903👎
1) A valid reason to argue with someone. 2) A delicious taste of death in a stick. 3) Something you are required to do in the military. 4) Stress relief from the assholes who tell you smoking is bad.
Mr. No-Smoke, "You know, smoking will kill you."
Me, "Yeah, I have a theory on that. The average lifespan of a human is nearing 100 years old and I refuse to regress back to childhood."
Mr. No-Smoke, "what does that have to do with smoking a cigarette?"
Me, "It means that I'm killing myself slightly quicker in order to be able to wipe my own ass until my dying day."
155👍 60👎
Something that non-smokers hate, and smokers love. What many people don't understand is that smoking is physically and emotionally addictive. As a smoker, I am tired of hearing non-smokers talk about an addiction they have never had. All smokers understand the damage they are doing to their body, but obviously since we are still smoking we don't care. Smoking Cigarettes are just as unhealthy as unhealthy diets. Since 63% of America is overweight, and 20% of them smoke I think that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
NS: "Oh, my God. Smoking is so bad for you."
S: "I know. I heard that in 1992"
NS: "I mean, How can you run, or be active with all that crap in your lungs?"
S: "I can run faster than you with this cigarette in my mouth."
NS: "...I don't know about that"
S: "I'll put out this cigarette when you stop eating 6,000 calories a day. How's that?"
NS: "I'm just saying, Cigarettes will kill you"
S: "So will smokers if you keep harassing them."
51👍 17👎
A unit of time. approximately 5 minues.
nathan stepped out. he'll be back in a cigarette.
72👍 31👎
Product made to relieve stress. A controversial topic, but put in simple terms, a drug constructed of a filter and tobacco (mixed with some chemicals) wrapped in paper. The lighter's best friend.
"Mary lit a cigarette today, she says it relieves her stress."
90👍 41👎
Perhaps the best thing invented by man since alcohol. Adds a little zing to the day. Also give you 5mins alone every hour or so (However this varys per person) To think about your next cigarette or some pressing matter you've gone for a cigarette to escape.
The perfect combination with a cigarette usually is a beer, coffee, sex session or a good chat with a fellow smoker.
Non-smokers do not understand the wonder that is nicotine. The most stress relieving drug discovered so far. (Except marajuana/weed etc...)
Most non-smokers belive that you are burning your money, killing yourself and making your living acommodation stink.
When you smoke, this does not matter. IT's all worth it for those few mins of relief a day.
Cigarettes also have a little trick to them, once you start, cigarettes never want you to leave the ranks of the smokers.
Perhaps becos they love you so much. And you love them.
Long live smoking!
Wow, I'm dying for a cigarette! I'll be back in 5mins.
I can't handle work at the moment. I'm going for a cigarette.
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Tobacco blended and rolled in paper, sealed in glue.
Smoked by lighting and inhaling.
Over 1 billion people in the world are smokers, probably more.
Smokers do not care about their health, therefore making them badass as hell because they look death in the face and say "Suck my left one."
Person 1: Man, i'm gonna go smoke a cigarette.
Person 2: Duude, thats soo bad for you. You're frying your lungs, you know?
Person 1: *Proceeds to roundhouse Person 2 in the ribs and stands over him* I don't give a fuck.
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