Random
Source Code
Random
The sport in which you move your body in forms and you are judged upon the form.
Flying body tossing is NOT diving!
-Coach Mike
17👍 14👎
Entering a virtual reality world.
1: How long have you been diving?
2: Since I got my Oculus. I dive every night.
1: Do you want to go out tonight?
2: No I'm diving tonight. Meet up with me later for some hang gliding or a roller coaster ride?
3👍 1👎
The man’s scalp is smoothly shaved down using lemon juice, coconut oil, and a half pound of home made butter. He then suits up with his roller skates and sets up his diving board for action, but not before lathering his body from the eyebrows down with molasses syrup for friction and so the scalp is favored as the slippery dome and centerpiece of the malicious act. He then looks his victim straight in the ass while he’s tied face down, rear up squirming for help. The man begins to read the Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs to his victim so they both can regurgitate before things really get started. After a couple chapters, the man deeply lathers the victims ass and genitals. He then sets candles up strategically around the victim in a circle, resembling his very own slippery scalp. He then applies the most flammable substance on earth,chlorine trifluoride, to his neck up the center of his scalp and lights it with the nearest candle! He rollerskates viciously to the diving board and leaps head first into the ass of the victim! At this point they’re both in the most terrible pain of their lives, and will remember this feeling even after death. The diver spins on his head with his toes in the air causing a flaming drill sensation in the asshole and stomach of the victim, leaving a giant bloody hole where his ass used to be. He then rubs sardine infested cream cheese in his face, and repeats the entire act until the victim has just barely a head remaining.
Poor Joey fell victim to the dive, he didn’t deserve that.... nobody does.
3👍 1👎
Inviting an individual to state the obvious when they know that your already aware of the answer.
The serve must be relevant to the current conversation/situation otherwise the dive is declared lame. Extra kudos if one can catch out multiple people at the same time with a single serve.
The situation: Friend stood looking at birthday cards in the local supermarket
The 'serve': "...so someone's birthday soon?"
The 'dive': "yes mate it's...."
The punchline: *clap hands together in exaggerated diving pose* "um - DIVE!" *smug grin*
33👍 39👎
Diving is the action of shoving smalls objects down the small hole in the center of your penis
Hey me and brad are going diving tonight
A scenario in which you and your crew had plans to go somwhere (a party for example) and had good expectations of the venue, however, when you get there, you are suprised as you find various problems such as:
a. its a sausage fest
b. the music sucks
c. very little alcohol
d. shady looking characters doing shday looking things
e. dorks watching LOTR
If the venue presents with these problems, it is dubbed as a DIVE
Jorge: Hey so what's up with that party? Is it straight?
Kyle: Nah nigga. That shit was a dive. It was 5 fat AFC's watching LOTR. And one of em were not sure if shes a girl or a guy
Jorge: Fuck, what now then.
Kyle: Anthony tells me theres a real bouncin place on 13th, supposedly have 5 kegs. Lets go check that out
Jorge: Word, Ill follow you
16👍 22👎