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The place where Zain Bhai lives
Dude I think I'm going to see Zain Bhai up in Poopy Canada this spring break.
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Canada's History is a sex act in which a live moose is hunted down with the aid of Sarah Palin (a master tracker and rogue) and viciously murdered by decapitation with a jagged hockey stick. After defiling the moose head further by teabagging the head several times (and not with Early Grey, but your genitals), it is ready for sex. The antlers are rammed up the anus of the female while Grade A Canadian maple syrup is slathered over the balls of the man who is simultaneously stuffing the moose's mouth with his shaft. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin hardly wants to miss out on the action so she goes rogue by jamming the other side of the antlers (opposite end is butt spelunking the female) up her vagina far enough to perform a self-abortion on her unwanted baby. After everyone has finished and Palin has enlarged her vaginal orifice another 2 inches, the moose head is discarded in a finely polished Stanley Cup. It is then sent to the home of Stephen Colbert for tedious inspection to make sure that every moose head was used to its fullest extent. Stephen does not accept the moose head in anything but the Stanley Cup as it is the only vessel prestigious enough for his liking. As a health advisory, it is generally necessary to check up with your doctor before performing Canada's History with your partner as it can lead to serious diseases such as severe diarrhea, Colbertitis, mad moose disease, and a neurological disorder known as The Palins which generally leads to mental retardation.
-Canadian Tool 1: "Dude me and my girl did a raw Canada's History last night."
-Canadian Tool 2: "Nice bro, that Sarah Palin is a freak, eh?"
-Canadian Tool 1: "FUCK YEH! SHES THE NASTIEST SHETARD IN THE WORLD!"
-Canadian Tool 2: "Hell yeh, shes fucking hot."
-Canadian Tool 1: "Obvi bro... Obvi."
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A sex act performed by first lubricating a woman's vagina and anus with maple syrup. Then, the aforementioned orifices are spread open with the antlers of an elk. Once the vagina and anus are spread to a diameter of six inches, athletic tape is used to attach the antlers to her thighs. Her partner then defecates into the Stanley Cup, and mixes it with Molson. Once it achieves a consistency of pudding, it is poured directly from the Stanley Cup into both orifices. Both orifices are then plugged with hockey pucks. This step is known as the "Hat Trick." She then stands up, straddles the face of her partner and pushes the pucks out.
I hear Stephen Colbert is into Canada's History.
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The new true religion. Irrelevant and will be the uniform of all form of people.
Stranger 1. "Hey, nice canada goose jacket."
Stranger 2. " Thanks, I like your canada goose jacket too."
Stranger 3. " OH MAN! Look at those canada goose jackets, I got to get a pair of those."
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A dirty blowjob in which after the receiver is done receiving, he blows shits all over their face and yells "and THAT is Canada's History, baby!"
Me: Did you hear what happened man?
Buddy: No, what happened?
Me: Last night my gal and I were gettin' goofy and...
Buddy: Yeah?
Me: Let's just say that I gave her a lesson on Canada's History.
Buddy: Damn man..Nice.
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What americans say when they are incredibly jealous of canadas awesomeness
American1 : Canada SUCKS!!
American2 : Yeah, id rather live there too
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1. (n) a sexual act involving no fewer than the total number of players on the ice during a regulation hockey game. Classically, the male to female ratio is equal, although not required. For the act to be executed correctly, however, any man involved must wear a bear mask, while women wear beaver tails. The men take turns pleasuring any woman they chooses with moose antlers, while the others make awkward small talk. The women who are not currently involved pour pure maple syrup on the reserve pile of antlers for lubrication. After all the men are done, any woman who has not been satisfied is considered ugly and is sent to work in the oil fields.
note: this act is generally regarded as illegal in the united states, but is infact subliminally encouraged by most politicians.
-Did you see that new Paris Hilton video?
-The one where she's doing 'canada's history' with the cast of Degrassi?
-Yeah! Instant classic!
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