Terry Waite

Terry Waite was the Assistant for Anglican Communion Affairs for the then Archbishop of Canterbury, Robert Runcie, in the 1980s. As an envoy for the Church of England, he travelled to Lebanon to try to secure the release of four hostages, including the journalist John McCarthy. He was himself kidnapped and held captive from 1987 to 1991 and chained to a radiator.

Christ on a bike I need to get out of this house I feel like Terry Waite - is the heating on?

Terry Waite's allotment

Self-explanatory to Britishers in the 1990's, this description of unruly hair will puzzle the rest of us, so:
1. Terry Waite served as the Anglican Church's international diplomacy negotiator. In 1987, he was himself taken hostage in Lebanon and held mostly in solitary confinement until his release in 1991. He's a well-known public speaker now.
2. "Allotment" in Britain is an urban rented garden patch.
Hence, Terry Waite's allotment would be untended and weed-choked.
I haven't determined if Waite actually was an allotment holder at the time of his confinement.

The man on the bench had a red beard like Terry Waite's allotment.

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Terry Waite's allotment

(Simile.) Describes a badly overgrown ladygarden or punani in need of a lot of TLC. (And possibly an industrial-sized strimmer.)

"I pulled down her knickers, and she had a twat like Terry Waite's allotment! I've seen long-haired poodles with less hair than her!"

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Terry Waite's allotment

see ambush

I got totally ambushed, she was groomed like Terry Waite's allotment.

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