A dirty blowjob in which after the receiver is done receiving, he blows shits all over their face and yells "and THAT is Canada's History, baby!"
Me: Did you hear what happened man?
Buddy: No, what happened?
Me: Last night my gal and I were gettin' goofy and...
Buddy: Yeah?
Me: Let's just say that I gave her a lesson on Canada's History.
Buddy: Damn man..Nice.
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1. (n) a sexual act involving no fewer than the total number of players on the ice during a regulation hockey game. Classically, the male to female ratio is equal, although not required. For the act to be executed correctly, however, any man involved must wear a bear mask, while women wear beaver tails. The men take turns pleasuring any woman they chooses with moose antlers, while the others make awkward small talk. The women who are not currently involved pour pure maple syrup on the reserve pile of antlers for lubrication. After all the men are done, any woman who has not been satisfied is considered ugly and is sent to work in the oil fields.
note: this act is generally regarded as illegal in the united states, but is infact subliminally encouraged by most politicians.
-Did you see that new Paris Hilton video?
-The one where she's doing 'canada's history' with the cast of Degrassi?
-Yeah! Instant classic!
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A sex act, banned in 16 states, involving the following:
a funnel, maple syrup, handcuffs, a foot-long rubber cylinder, antlers & duct-tape. Optional: a goose.
I wanted her to do Canada's History, but it disgusted her, so she offered a Cleveland steamer.
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A bizarre sexual act involving three midgets, some syrup, toenail clippings and earwax. The three midgets gather in a circle, cover themselves with syrup, sprinkle toenail clippings on themselves, then lick earwax out of each other's ears while the spectator masturbates
Shortly sure can do Canada's History
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Two people head out into the woods, attack and immobilizes a moose, then proceed to tag-team copulate with the creature while sawing off its antlers. The two each hold an end of the antlers and wrassle with it on the moose's back, still coupled with the creature; they compete to force a bottle of maple syrup off the moose's back, to one side or another. The winner receives the Stanley Cup, or a reasonable facsimile if the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto cannot be reached, and the right to use the syrup, antlers, restraints, and Cup on the loser in any way they see fit. The loser receives the right to several hours-long hypnotherapy sessions to remove the memory of the entire event from their mind, ensuring it will resurface again and again in the victim's subconscious, rising to pillage the mind like a psychological Godzilla only to return to mysterious dormancy just as suddenly, thus providing an explanation for much of Canada's History.
Oh, so Harper lost a game of Canada's History? That explains quite a bit.
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'Canada's History' is the nickname for notorious porn addict and namesake of the Stanley Cup, Frederick Arthur Stanley, 16th Earl of Derby (15 January 1841 โ 14 June 1908), known as Frederick Stanley until 1886 and as Lord Stanley of Preston between 1886 and 1893, was a Conservative Party politician in the United Kingdom who served as Colonial Secretary from 1885 to 1886 and the sixth Governor General of Canada from 1888 to 1893. An avid sportsman, he built Stanley House Stables large enough to house 3 dozen female moose during their most fertile period, along with "bottomless" maple syrup dispenser and back bacon station, in order to live for several months at a time in the frozen tundra without having to leave the stables. At least 143 of Stanley's "favorite" animal partners are buried under the statue of Lord Derby in Stanley Park, Vancouver, today.
Bob: I was like a one-man army, like Charlton Heston in "Omega Man." You ever see it? Beauty.
Doug: No way, eh. You're more like a one-man hoser.
Bob: Am not.
Doug: You're no Lord Stanley, eh.
Bob: Heh heh. That's fer sure. Ol' Canada's History could scare the shit out of a herd of moose like nobody's business, eh.
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A special sexual action that is generally only performed by members of a small sexual sub-culture who suffer from Canadymphomania.
Foreplay consists of watching a hockey game while engaging in verbal sexual foreplay (the more ehs that can be included in this portion the better).
Most canadymphomaniacs prefer to use Canadian national brand condoms which are, not surprisingly, shaped as maple leaves. These condoms are also unique in that the company uses only the purest maple syrup for its lubrication.
Both individuals engaged in the Canadian History are dressed as mounties, and depending on level of skill with the sex act try to engage in intercourse while removing as little of their costume as possible. The actual position of the sex act is independently referred to as the mounty.
More daring individuals try to do canadian history in daring locations i.e. mooseback, at the summit of any Canadian mounty, or in any public location within the province of Quebec for the added sexual stimulant of insulting the province's natives who do not fill the Canadymphomaniacs sexual desire for Canadian partners.
After a successful completion it is common to head over to Tim Horton's to unwind by being unnaturally nice to strangers and pretending to belong to a sovereign nation despite still being subjects of the British Queen.
John: So, Susie... would you ever be interested in doing a Canadian History?
Susie: Oh, John! I thought you'd never ask, I've had a bullmoose on reserve at the local farm just waiting for you to proposition!
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