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Soccermom
n.
Characteristics:
1. Caucasian.
2. Has no job, gets her money from successful husband.
3. Has either a minivan or an SUV.
4. Usually Christian
5. Child(ren) think they're "all that" then turn "rebel."
Appearance:
1. A (ridiculously) over-sized bag
2. One-inch heels ALL the TIME.
3. Expensive sunglasses.
4. Off-red nail polish on their toenails and fingernails.
5. Optional: Botox
6. Bad makeup.
Children?
The soccermom's child(ren) are often brought up with no free time, doing sports, dance, karate, art, theater, music, you name it. Some children do up to three or four activities a night, then do homework until about 11 at night. In school, a soccermom's child(ren) may either be a) popular, extremely bitchy, and hang out with the other popular children or b) extremely bitchy, hang out with children they know from dance, or any other of their millions after-school activities. A soccermom's child(ren) eats little for lunch, though their lunches are always 100 percent organic. During puberty, the once perfect "little angels" begin to "rebel" by...
1. Listening to a song with the word "hell" in it.
2. Wearing the same pair of Gap jeans twice.
3. Staying up past their bedtimes.
4. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend (usually this only applies to a girl, as a soccermom's daughter usually feels the need to hide her "illicit" activities from her parents)
5. Kiss this boyfriend/girlfriend... on the cheek.
6. Hug this boyfriend/girlfriend
7. Wear a little bit of makeup (like clear lip gloss.)
Also, a soccermom's children either a) grow up to be just like their parents or b) grow up to be nothing like their parents, join Peace Corps, and go live in Afghanistan.
Views:
-All video games rated T and over = pornographic, inappropriate, will kill the minds of their already vegetative children.
-All music with "cuss words" (eg, crap, hell) should be banned in America for the sake of little children (all people under age 18. Sometimes 21.)
-No alcohol whatsoever for people in college (even if they're over 21.)
-No Co-Ed housing in college. ("We can all be Soroity sisters! How does that sound, Mary Ann?")
-Heavy Metal, Grunge, Rock, Metal, Death Metal, Alternative= bad. Pop, Country= good, as long as the country is by Carrie Underwood, and even then, certain parts MUST be bleeped out.
-All little girls should be little girls. (eg, "No, Mary Ann, you can't be a dirty old mechanic when you grow up.")
-All little boys should be little boys. (eg, "No, Gary Stu, you can't be a fashion designer like Armani when you grow up.)
-Complete control over everything.
-Ban multiplayer games (eg, Runescape, Club Penguin) in their city/town because "I don't want MY little angels to be kidnapped" while their "little angels" often have secret accounts on multiplayer games.
"I'm sorry, Mary Ann can't play today. She's got jazz dance, then hip-hop dance, then we eat dinner as a family, then she's got ballet."
((As a substitute teacher in the 12th grade.))
Soccermom/Substitute Teacher: "Here, kids, while you do your work, let's listen to some Kidz Bop!"
Teenager 1: "Why not some Linkin Park?"
Teenager 2: "I know, let's listen to Aerosmith."
Teenager 3: "What about Elvis?"
Teenager 4: "I'd prefer Atreyu or Disturbed myself."
Soccermom: "NO! Those bands are useless excuses for music! They will pollute your mind! They are Satanic, for Pete's sake!"
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An American mother living in the suburbs who spends most of her time driving her school-aged children from one athletic activity to another, often over scheduling them. Typically White, upper middle class, probably college-educated, most drive SUVs and talk on the cellphone while driving making them prone to cause traffic accidents.
Gigi is your classic Soccermom, she drives her SUV like a battle ship and I wouldn't want to be on the road next to her!
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noun.
Female with a strong type A personality with a skewed sense of civic responsibility coupled with a need to enforce political correctness on to others. Usually a hypocrite.
The term soccermom was not originally disparaging. It was used to refer to a Mom who takes her children as well as other children to their little league soccer game.
Soccermoms promote the following philosophies:
- winning is not important
- soccer is good because it is non violent
- no child should feel bad if they did not play well
- trophies awarded to every child
- removal of keeping score from the game
These philosophies are enforced in the brain of the soccermom to compensate for the fact that their kid does not play the game well.
Soccermom's are usually hypocrites as evidenced below:
- are vegetarians but cooks exotic dinners for the family that require eggs, fish and poultry
- believes in equality for all (but has no problem calling the driver ahead of her a 'chink' for cutting her off)
- supports PETA (enough said)
- supports Green Peace (but drives an SUV)
- a strong supporter of recycling only when convenient (if her blue box is full, the cans go in the garbage)
The worst soccermoms are the ones that have a bumper sticker on their SUV that reads: "IM A SOCCERMOM!"
Totally opposite of a Hockeymom
Soccermoms are the prime reason of cultural erosion in North America.
Billy: Hey can your Mom give me a ride to practice?
Johnny: Sure, I'll ask, she's taking 7 other kids too
Billy: Cool, she's a Soccermom, huh? Hey, does she still make you those rye and buckwheat sandwiches?
Johnny: ya, but I just throw them out
Billy: Yeah I would too. I got a steak in my lunch today.
Johnny: damn! That's cause your mom is a Hockey mom!
Billy: Yeah, my mom sets shit straight, unlike your Soccer mom!
Johnny (sobbing): yeeah..
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A mother who is obsessed with her son's life, penis, activities, friends, school and teachers, and makes her son play soccer. If the soccermom doesn't have a son, she will instead obsess about her multiple identical daughters.
Most soccermoms now drive SUVs but until 2001, most drove Volvos. (See also: bimbo-box).
You can easily spot a soccermom on the roadways as they have a bumper sticker that reads "MONTGOMERY SOCCER" or one that reads "My Child Is An Honor Student At xxxx Middle School."
They usually live in Montgomery County - Potomac, Rockville, and sometimes
in Takoma Park. Some live in Fairfax County, Northern Virginia.
Most are MILFs or yummy mummys and are married to rich guys. Those that are fugly are married to rich guys who have unusual tastes.
"So where does Cindy Soccermom of Apple Pie, USA, fit in?" (Chicago Flame Online)
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A term usualy meaning a mother who drives a minivan, and or volvo or similar vehicle and does activitys like scrapbooking, church etc but after a hooker sting in charleston south carolina it means a prostitute that advertises on craigslist, the term is always taken as offensive by ignorant people like baptists and other christian groups and used to ostricsisde people that really dont want to associate with ignorant people like "baptists" or christans in gerneral, closest thing chistians or other modern busybodys can get away with legally since they outlawed witchunts and lynching.
Oh MY GOD, He called u a soccermom, I hear he sold something on craigslist, I bet he worships stan and sacrifices babys, lets go on a crusade call out the homowners association.
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The sexual act of gathering 10 of your closest friend's moms in a minivan without seats on a hot August day, turning up the heat, thus inducing persperation, and railing every last one of them in a chaotic mass of various bodily fluids.
Can you beleive Grant pulled a Soccermom Sweatshop with all of our moms this summer? Thats messed up.
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