Mexican Alarm Clock

An elaborate scheme to rid your bed of unwanted hoes. The idea is once you have realised that you have picked up a fugly bitch from a night you can not remember, you find your ass some jalapeno chillies and rub your finger(s) in them so as to obtain the spicey sweetness. From here, you proceed to ram-a-jam your spicey finger up the bitch's ass hole.
You will never see her again.

This technique may also be used if one wishes to have breakfast in bed or a full bed to themselves but be warned you will never see this girl again so make sure she's not special.

"Man I picked up THE ugliest bitch the other night"

"Fuck man, have a big one?"

"The biggest."

"How'd you act in the morning?"

"How do you think I acted? Dipped my fist in some jalapenos and ram-a-jammed my fist up that fuckers ass hole."

"Brutal Mexican Alarm Clock!!! Nice!!!"

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bio-illogical clock

the internal physiological mechanism responsible for causing one to wake up at workday times on the weekend.

also responsible for any low-grade sleep disorders and the inability to stay awake during any meetings held after lunch.

"it's saturday, go back to sleep!"
"i can't, it's my bio-illogical clock on the fritz again."

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24-hour clock

The world standard for telling time that the US is too stupid an unadaptive to use. Eliminates the need for AM and PM.

Germany uses a 24-hour clock.

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Führer clock shadow

The midday facial hair growth of people who can only grow hair in a one inch swath directly under their nose.

My boss is made very uncomfortable by my Führer clock shadow.

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stalking your clock

it's when you have problems sleeping and lay there watching your clock so often that it's like a stalker watching their victim.

ron: i've been having so much trouble sleeping.
tif: you been stalking your clock?
ron: worse than a stalker with their victim

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Canadian alarm clock

When you are awoken by someone giving you a blowjob, followed by them mounting you.

This morning your mom gave me a canadian alarm clock, and I almost gave you a brother, you tit-fucker.

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Guiness alarm clock

Suddenly waking up with the a strong desire for the toilet and the turtles head emerging uncontrolably - brought on as a result of consuming large quantities of the black stuff in the preceding hours

'I had a 'Guiness alarm clock' going off at seven thirty and now I'm off to the fucking launderette!!!'

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